I haven't been around for awhile. I've been too busy getting my sorry ass fired from the most lucrative position I've ever had. It was the proverbial "perfect storm" of the workplace. Everything coming together at all the right times, from all the right angles to create total destruction. Yeah, kind of a bummer. But hey, everyone keeps telling me to consider it a learning experience. And I must say that the biggest lesson I learned is as follows...
1. Never tell your boss to fuck off.
Apparently I learned lesson #1 a little too late, which led to the following lessons...
2. If you must tell your boss to fuck off, be sure to send out the blanket "I have a new e-mail address..." e-mail to your address book before uttering the previously mentioned offensive phrase.
3. Clean out all personal folders on your hard drive, so the next person who ends up in your little cube doesn't get to read all of your personal letters. Not to mention that resumé you've been updating in preparation of the offensive phrase.
4. If given the chance to apologize, you should probably take it, instead of uttering the next offensive phrase, "HELL NO!"
5. Be sure to have a Plan B - a bigger, better, more lucrative job which you get to start even sooner, considering your recent unemployed status. Ahhhhhh........at least I did that part right! ;)
Most importantly...
6. There's nothing that riding around with the top down on an 85 degree southern California day won't fix.
