I've Figured Out What You Can Get Me For My Birthday...

In the last few weeks I've gotten hundreds, possibly thousands, of inquiries as to what one can get the girl who seemingly has everything. And I understand your dilemma, what with only two shopping days left. After much thought, I'm ready to tell everyone what they can pick up for me in the next couple of days...

Williams Sonoma.

Yeah. The store. The whole thing.
What? You're afraid it won't fit in your truck/SUV/sedan/Smart Car?
Yeah, that might be a problem.

I was in there today picking up a few things for the first of many birthday celebrations tonight, and I decided it would be much easier to have the entire store at my disposal. Isn't that the greatest, albeit overpriced, store on the planet?
I love it. I want one of each.

By the way, to spare all of my family and friends the unnecessary stress of my birthday being a mere 48 hours away, and most of them feeling like the celebration couldn't possibly be over that quickly...I've decided to forgo my previous practice of having a "birthday month" and adopt the "birthday quarter."
Yes, a typical quarter would end at the end of September, but mine is just beginning. So I'm officially celebrating my birthday from now until November 30th.

(But that's a whole lot better than cryin' about it, don't you think? ;)

When Bad Elvis Happens to Good People...

No, it's not a bad dream...it's Phil Shane - a 5'1" Elvis impersonator who spends his time at local bars between here and Las Vegas. His nickname is Tiny E. My ex-boyfriend first introduced me to Phil several years ago and I've been a believer ever since. He not only puts on an incredible show as Elvis, complete with costume changes and all the hip grinding one packed room of groupies can take, but he also does a mean Neil Diamond, Engelbert Humperdink, and yes...the master of cheese himself, my personal favorite...Barry Manilow! He can knock out "Copacabana" like nobody's business.

Why this tribute to Tiny E? Well, for two reasons.
#1. I spent my 38th birthday at Original Mike's with this gyrating lounge singer, watching him ring in the big day with my friends Amy and Jennifer. Some of you may know Jen from Swank or Skank? (But don't let the title fool you - she's 100% Swank!)
So to celebrate the (almost) 2nd anniversary of that auspicious occasion, I'm posting the following...



The photo was taken on Jen's cellphone so the quality is a little compromised (or is that me being compromised?). Anyway...Phil is not kneeling down, nor am I sitting on his lap. No, he's just really that short. I'm only 5'1", but apparently my heels were higher than his that night. The tall girl in back? I have no idea who she is...obviously someone trying to get in on my Phil birthday action.

#2. I'm posting the memory of Elvis and Jen because Jen was just here last week from Minnesota, and we had a great time on the town in Laguna! I got some of that Purple Ginger sushi I'm crazy about (after drinks on the beach at the Hotel Laguna), and then more drinks at the White House. I think we were both a little worked the next day. I know I was and after reading Jen's blog, I'm pretty sure she was too. :)

So for those who are wondering, my birthday Vegas trip was cancelled. It was just not working out logistically. So I'm spending a mellow weekend with friends and hopefully, will be having too much fun to realize I've turned the corner on the next decade!

If You're Looking For a Naked Shower Buddy, Apparently I'm Your Girl...

I have this little counter thingy on the bottom of my blog that tells me how many people have visited. I don't think it's really critical information, but it's kind of fun. You know, like McDonald's. Maybe one day I'll be able to say something like "Over 3 Billion Served." Although on a personal level, that doesn't sound too flattering does it? Anyway, since it's my blog, when I click on the number, it redirects me to a website that gives me some statistics about my blog traffic. For instance, if you stop by and read my blog, it tells me your name, your address and what you're wearing. No? Okay. So it's not as helpful as it could be. It actually doesn't give me any personal info about who stops by my blog, but it does tell me how you got there. In other words, what webpage refers readers to a particular page. Really useless info but hey, I don't tell them how to run their site and I thought the counter was cute.

So as I was perusing the site the other day, I noticed some funny referral notations. Usually it just says another blog, like when someone links to me from their own site. But then I started noticing some funny Google searches popping up. When someone searches for certain things on Google, my website is in the results.

Here are some of the searches in which my blog appeared (exactly as they were entered by the search engine user):

"mike - no thanks"

WHERE THE TODAY'S YOUTH IS GOING

mostly useless drivel
(Someone Googled the actual name of my blog. That's cool.)

sarah brightman blogspot.
(This search was on the Spanish Google and the results only took .41 segundos)

kenny chesney and vane million

hard work without confidence is useless
(Amen. Glad I could help)

i'm dating a younger guy
(Ouch. The only saving grace about this one is that one of the first websites listed before mine is Loveshack.org. As some of you know, that's my cell phone ringer, and of the most underrated songs of the 80's)

how to use preparation H for under eye puffiness
(love this one!)

Rochelle, my heart

I see stupid people code
(?)

AND MY ALL TIME FAVORITE GOOGLE SEARCH WHICH SENDS YOU RIGHT TO MY SITE......

"community shower" + nudity
(I really hate to even speculate, lets just pray my father never reads this :)

I didn't die. Swear.

But my life has been a little surreal again. It all started off innocently enough, during a little weekend trip to the river...

Doesn't that look like fun? :)

My girls and I enjoyed a nice relaxing weekend waterskiing, wakeboarding, etc., and had an incredibly fun end of summer weekend. Then we drove home, and the following has transpired since...

~ On the way home, my car exploded. Remember the cute little pretty car I've described in the past? Yeah. It exploded. Okay, so maybe not literally, but the engine overheated so bad that all four cylinders were destroyed and now I need a new engine. I was 70 miles from the nearest services, my girls and I (and the dog, by the way) were sitting in 121 degrees for 2 1/2 hours before we were found. Good times. The good news is that I heard from the mechanic today and the warranty is covering absolutely everything.

~ The next day my mom had what should have been pretty minor surgery; an outpatient procedure. She convinced me that the doctor told her she had cancer and she had to stay with me to recover. Then she convinced the doctor that she needed to stay in the hospital for not only one night but two. Of course I didn't object because it meant less time at my house. I finally had to take her home because the doctor said there was no legitimate reason for her to be there and even she knew my mom was faking it. I took her home, but not before I lied and said I was going away for Labor Day weekend and she had to go home Friday morning. I know I'm going to hell for it. It was worth it. When I talked to my sister (who lives up north) on Monday she asked if I had talked to our mom to see how she was. I said no...had she talked to her? She said no, she was camping all weekend and had no cell service. I quickly hung up, called my mom and used the no cell service excuse before my sister could. Hey, she owes me for moving 426 miles away (a fact she reminds me of every time my mom has an attack of drama), and leaving me with a mom that will eventually land me on the FBI's Most Wanted List.

~ I started my Astronomy class and I'm loving it! The whole first chapter of my book is about scale - just how miniscule we really are in perspective to what's out there. It blew me away and I can't wait to read the rest!

~ I'm going to a seminar tomorrow morning that my company is sending our office to called "GET MOTIVATED!" Well, okay.
I'm actually really excited. It has some awesome speakers lined up and I'm excited to see what I can learn from them.

~ I started going to the gym again and it's kicking my ass. Enough said.

~ I just watched one of the best movies I've ever seen and I think you should all run out right now and rent it. Go. Now. No really. Go.
It's called the House of D. Obscure little title, great movie! Go get it. And tell me if you did, because I want to know how much you loved it.

~ Right now it's 11:06 PM, which means it's technically still the 6th of September.
17 days and counting 'til I check the next box. And don't think I'm not counting.