Thursday, August 27, 2009

Dear Complacency...

...it's over.

It was fun for awhile, but face it - you are no good for me. Oh sure, things were great for awhile. When I got laid off, you were there to pick up the pieces. I was a needy mess and you were there for me. I let myself get lost in your endless generosity, and in the contentment that only you can offer. I was depressed and you were my drug. You loved me through my financial meltdown, through my daughter's illness, and you didn't judge me when I stayed in bed for days. You made me feel secure, relaxed and fulfilled. And I let you. I loved you unconditionally and I thought it would last forever. You and I spent hours together just laying by the pool, reading the classics, practicing deep breaths - basically convincing ourselves that we'd had a hard few years and it was OK to take a break for awhile. When it was good, it was the best. Yes, I realize there was the smallest hint of denial. After all, by definition you're a downward spiral waiting to happen. But I was going to be the exception - I thought I could change you. I was so naive.

And now, because of the ferocity with which I embraced you, I can't pay my bills. My ability to support my family is failing, and my self respect is circling the drain. All because of this dysfunctional relationship we've both become so comfortable in. This is the ugly side of you that I refused to acknowledge, but can no longer ignore. And that's not all. I don't want to be unnecessarily cruel, but for the first time in our relationship, I'm embarrassed to say that we're together.

Please don't think you've done anything wrong. You're not the one whose changed. Trust me when I say it's not you, it's me.

I know this is sudden, and seems impulsive. But the truth is, Complacency, I've found someone else. A long lost love named Responsibility. Responsibility and I are finally reunited after a way too long separation. I realized that I've loved Responsibility all along and this time I am determined to make it work. Yes I know it's hard work. Yes I know I have to re-learn some old habits. But Responsibility has always been good to me and I'm willing to take the plunge for Responsibility's sake.

To quote a really bad Lionel Ritchie song - thanks for the time that you've given me. I will never forget you and you can be sure there's a part of me that will always love you. But please let me go. No drunk dials in the middle of the night. No calling my friends under false pretenses in an attempt to gain any piece of information about me that you can. That type of behavior would just embarrass both of us. You'll find someone else, just as I have. You have so much to offer that it's just a matter of time before someone else needs to be saved, and is sucked into your facade of instant gratification.

I'll never forget you and on some level, I hope we can always be friends. I might look you up next time I'm on vacation, or when my relationship with Responsibility finally affords me the luxury of retirement. But until then, I'll be putting every ounce of effort into my new love.

Take care,
Steph

3 comments:

John said...

Complacency has a distant cousin whose name is Contentment and is really good friends with Responsibility. My guess is, soon you'll feel really at home with the latter two now that you've bid adieu to Complacency. He's a pain in the ass! :)

Jenni said...

You are awesome. I mean that. Awesome.

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