Weirdness

A little bit ago, Danika wrote a wierdlist where she had to name five weird things about herself. As I was reading it, I thought..."Wow, there are so many weird things about me, I could never narrow it down to five." So here's just one. Kind of weird, but really just twisted. And I have shamelessly taught my little girl (the 10 year-old) the twistedness of my personality, and now she is also just as twisted.
My older daughter is 14 and, although she IS a teenager, she's a bit of a goody-goody (well at least in this stage of my denial, I'm insisting that she is). If the story weren't somewhat implausible it wouldn't be funny. Anyway, the other night she asked if she could walk to Starbuck's with her friends, one particular friend named Michael who she is sort of digging right now. While she was gone, my little girl and I ran some errands, a couple of which were in the same shopping center as Starbuck's. We took a verrryyy slow drive past Starbuck's to see if we could spy on her a bit, like maybe they were sitting outside at a table? You never know. No luck. They must have been inside because we couldn't see them anywhere. The conversation that followed went like this...keep in mind that this conversation came out of our mouths without even thinking twice and neither one of us even cracked a smile. Sadly, this is the weirdness that just comes naturally to us...

Me: I don't see her. Do you see her?
J: Nope. (pause) She's probably inside making out with Michael.
Me: Yeah. Between bong hits.
J. Yeah.

My Christmas Card to You...

This year is almost over. I don't know what it held for you, but for me it had not only the lowest points of my life, but in some ways the highest. As I write this, I'm at my ex-husband's house spending Christmas Eve with he and his wife, and her family. A little surreal, but makes me feel good that life goes on, love endures and the holidays are all about love.

Which is why I feel the need to write this very politically incorrect Christmas card. It seems to me that recognizing the true meaning of Christmas is out of fashion, so in my Christmas card to cyber-space, I need to go back to the basics.

Like I said, this year has been the highest and the lowest. I have no idea what next year holds, but I think it's going to be awesome. Can't be sure, but I just have a feeling.

This is what I DO know... I know that there is a God, a creator of this universe and everything in it, who loves me and loves each of you passing by this blog. I know that He doesn't care what we've done, who we've done it with, how hideous we've been or how much we've ignored Him in our lifetimes. He loves us unconditionally and has since before we were born. Regardless of your religion, your political beliefs or whatever else separates human beings, God does not care. Even if you do not love Him, He still loves you. For you parents...you know how much you love your kids? He loves them more. For those of you with hideous in-laws, even those with enemies...He loves them too, as much as He loves you. He models unconditional love and is the only one who truly can. Some of you may scoff at this very politically incorrect Christmas card, and that's okay. You may not believe in what I'm saying, and that's okay. I've never shoved my beliefs down anyone's throat and that isn't my intention now. Just wanted you to remember that no matter how alone you feel, you never are.

My prayer for the next year is that God blesses each one of you abundantly. That your life, and the lives of everyone you love and care for, is filled with peace, love and joy.

Merry Christmas.

My 10 Year-Old's Letter to Santa, Part II

My little girl put a stocking up on the wall the other day to fill with letters to Santa that we write between now and Christmas. She's added one a day for several days, and this was her last one...she is priceless, and I'm a lucky mom.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Dear Santa,

I am so glad you reached our house even though we moved! You can take a look around! It's awesome! My mommy is the best! And got it! I told you on my list but I was wondering if you could give my mommy a gift even though she is a mommy! She is the greatest mommy and really deserves it! Will you also fill her stocking? Hers is the one that looks just like mine but is hanging from the Y (as in the word J-O-Y). She loves candles, pictures, stuff that keeps you warm, shoes, a lot of things! Oh I forgot she also loves jewelry! I hope you have a Merry X-MAS! Thank you for everything!

I love you!

(Heart), Nini

Bastard

 


He could have been a gracious winner, but instead he took the low road. 

My 10-Year-Old's Letter to Santa...

Santa,
This year can I please have........
1. Old Navy Shopping Cart saved in My Account under Fav's
2. Abercrombiekids Cart saved in Mommy's Favorites (with a heart instead of an apostrophe in "Mommy's")
3. (Crossed out) XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (I guess she changed her mind)
4. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
5. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
6. Creativity for Kids Soccer Memory Book Kit - Target
7. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX (She's a little indecisive)
8. Fish - blue
9. Fish aquarium
10. Shells, plants, fish signs, things for my fish
11. Datamax - K2360 from Target
12. Limited Too Shopping Cart saved in Mommy's Favorites (Yes, another heart)
13. Nike running shoes

Love (actually another heart),
Neen (her nickname is Nini)

Dear Santa,
Thank you for all the other great gifts! You are awesome!

Love (heart),
Neen

THANK YOU 4 EVERYTHING!


......She told me she was making it easier on Santa this year by finding everything on the internet and bookmarking it. Yeah, she's that cute.

Pet Peeve #5...

...Condescending people.

I got my house!! Yahoo! My loan went through at the rate I needed. My friend Todd made it happen and it's closing on Wednesday. I'm so excited!!

So here's my pet peeve...people who try to burst my bubble by being condescending. At least 95% of the people who I've told about my house have had the same reaction. Now remember, I live in a nice town; people who live here have money. Unless you're like me, however, and usually just squeaking by. But the houses around here are outrageously priced. My ex-husband has a beautiful home which goes for about a million bucks. My mom's house, the same house I grew up in right down the street, goes for about a million bucks. My house is not like that. In fact, it's a townhome meaning it's attached on the side. So whenever someone asks me about my house, how big it is and stuff, I describe how many bedrooms, bathrooms, give them the square footage, etc. and then I say, "It's a townhome, attached on the side." I figure not to mention that would be misleading because I'm definitely not buying one of those big detached homes that are so expensive. And almost every time, they respond with, "That's Okaaaaayyyyy.......!!!!!" Yeah. I know. They say it like it's really not okay, but since I can't afford anything else, then it's...well...okay. I'm really just so stoked and a little proud that as a single mom I can even afford to buy in this area. I seriously never thought I would be able to. The fact that my home is attached does not bother me at all, I'm just so excited to have it. But that reaction makes me feel like I didn't do good enough, like I'm settling.

I wonder if I just have baggage about this for some reason, like I'm overreacting to it. Maybe. But, jeez...enough already.

Oh well, I love my little attached house! :)

Life Lesson #452.......

(If you missed the first 451, you haven't been paying attention.)

............Never, never, never, but NEVER burn your bridges.

I have this ex-boyfriend, my girls affectionately call him "the French Guy." Born and raised in Paris, out here for a few years, and yes - that romantic. We dated for a couple of years and he's an absolutely great guy. One of our biggest problems, however, was that we disagreed on the place of ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends in our lives (in my case, also an ex-husband). It drove him nuts that I'm friends with almost everyone I've ever dated. Not one or two dates, but if I spent any respectable amount of time with them, I'm still in touch with them today. And as far as my ex-husband goes...let's just say that just today, his wife and I bought Aerosmith tickets together so we could all go in February. Well, this sort of behavior drove the French Guy nuts. I attributed it to serious insecurity. My perspective is that if you care that much about a person, and invest a large amount of your life in them, how do you just cut them out of your life? Now, I'm not talking about everyone being friends right away; people get hurt and healing takes time. It took several years for my ex-husband's wife and I to become friends. But people grow, move on, heal. I feel that I have managed to end relationships with mutual respect, and the same qualities that attracted me to that person - their character, integrity, sense of humor, etc. - still exist in the friendships.
Okay.......all that to say this........I am in the process of buying a house. In fact, Escrow is supposed to close tomorrow. It's not going to. Hopefully next week, but I've hit a serious snag. Here's some background...As most of you know, I have recently gone from making no money to making a decent amount of money. So the first thing I thought was to buy a house (Okay, the first thing I did was buy a really bitchin' new car! But I digress...). This house was way out of my price range six months ago. In fact, a hut in Haiti was way out of my price range six months ago. So when my very good friend Scot (one T), who is a real estate agent, started talking to me about buying a house, I started considering that I could truly afford it - and I can. I found a house that I fell absolutely IN LOVE with. I wanted to put an offer down so who was the first person I called? YES - an ex-boyfriend named Todd. Todd and I dated for six years. Six years! From the time we were 16 until we were 22. That's not just dating - that's growing up together. We both know it. Those were some formative years. We've been friends since we were 13 years old and we both know how significant that is. When we were together, everyone including us thought we would get married someday. Our families were intertwined. When we broke up, I got married within a couple of years, but he waited until we were in our 30's and of course I was there. At his wedding, his grandparents still insisted I sit with them. Todd is married to someone who is absolutely perfect for him, but we both realize the importance and the impact that our relationship had on our lives. The only lull in our friendship was during the two years I dated the jealous French Guy, and I'm sorry I allowed his insecurity to take me out of Todd's life while his kids were being born.
Well, Todd is now the president of his own mortgage lending company, or whatever you call it. He has several branches throughout California (we always knew he'd be extremely successful), so of course I called him immediately. The conversation was really cool and I learned a lot about loans, but the most significant thing he said was, "Don't worry, Steph. I'll make sure no one makes any money off of you." Music to my ears. Really, it's the only reason I'm able to afford this house. I'm squeaking by as it is, and having to pay points or a higher interest rate would break the deal. If this thing actually goes through, I owe him big. Since I can't prove my income for more than a few months (and since a stated income loan will take the mortgage payment right out of my price range), he's calling in favors like you wouldn't believe. He's so well off he's been able to retire for years, and he's got a beautiful wife at home and two babies, yet he was at work last night until 7 PM trying to talk the president of a bank into taking my loan as is, convincing him that I'm not a risk. So I'm back in the game, when I thought it was over. I owe it all to Todd. I'm not glad he's in my life because of what he can do for me. I'm glad he's in my life because I have a friend that cares enough about me to fight for me.

P.S. The French Guy and I broke up two years ago and for the first time in his life, he's GREAT friends with an ex-girlfriend!

P.S.S. If anyone feels the urge to send out a prayer or two for my new house - it would be greatly appreciated!! :)

Skanky Halloween Bash Follow-Up...

Here is a Halloween picture that I promised. I think I finally found a better way to post pictures, so hopefully, I'll be able to post more. It isn't very clear though, is it? I'm with my friend, Reed. I'm not sure what he's supposed to be...one of Robin's Merry Men? And when did I start looking like Dolly Parton? Seriously, I think when I got that dress, the boobs came with it. Of course my daughter is furious that I didn't get the name or the autograph of the "Laguna Beach" girl who tried to pay my way into the party. I guess I lagged.

I continue to embarrass myself.

I'm 39 years old and pretty much over what other people think, which is the only reason I can write this post. As if it weren't bad enough that I'm a full blown Fanilow (remember my Vegas adventure of several months ago?), I think even I may have sunk to a new low. The other night on KCET, our version of PBS, I caught a special called The Carpenter's Remembered. I was in heaven! Seriously - pure bliss! I LOVE the Carpenter's. When I was a little girl (some would argue that I still AM a little girl) we would cruise in my mom's light blue Ford Thunderbird (see Back in the Day), and pop in the 8-Track tape of the Carpenter's Greatest Hits. My sister and I would make up our own words to "Close To You" so it didn't look like we were totally enjoying it, but we were. We loved it. To this day when we go sing karaoke, the first thing we do is check out which Carpenter's songs they have and we can seriously belt out Top of the World. Of course we think we're awesome, and we're pretty sure a recording contract is just around the corner.

So if the Fanilow tag isn't enough, the Carpenter's obsession isn't either. Immediately following that special was another stellar moment in the history of public television. Yes.....none other than John Denver: The Wildlife Concert. Does life get any better?! NOOO! Trust me - it doesn't! So I had to watch the whole thing, singing every song, reminiscing about my John Denver filled childhood days, making my teenager sit with me and listen. Gotta give her credit - she put up with it. Then I immediately got on Amazon and ordered the Carpenter's and John Denver's big collection CD's.

It's funny to me how KCET raises money with tributes to singers who died too young.
Oh well. I can't wait to get my CD's in the mail, mostly to torture my kids in the car!

So There's This Guy...

...OR A Story in the Third Person...

His name is John. He has a friend named Steph. He is a very good friend to everyone he knows, but especially to Steph. It's not always easy being Steph's friend, but John makes it look easy. He is always there for her, no matter what. He calls her for no other reason but to tell her she's special. He texts her for no other reason but to make sure she has a great day. He e-mails her weekly to tell her what a great friend she is, but Steph knows that it is John who is the great friend. They haven't always seen eye to eye. They have had heated debates over important subjects. He always thinks about it and later tells Steph thank you for showing him something he hasn't seen before. John shows Steph what unconditional love and friendship means. He not only deals with her baggage, he accepts the whole matched set. He sends her purple flowers, listens to her when she cries about her life, and prays that she'll get a good night's sleep. Steph wishes she was as good a friend to John as he is to her, but she knows she hasn't been. She tries, but she knows that his friendship is not dependent on it. He's going to love her anyway. He thinks she's funny, smart and makes her feel like she's valuable. He teaches her a lot about relationships. He is the definition of kindness, and shows her how to be a good parent, because John is the best dad that Steph knows. John does all of this from 1,000 miles away. Steph can't thank him enough.

"No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those thoroughly persuaded of each other's worth." ~Robert Southey

Random Questions, With Even Randomer Responses...

I shamelessly stole this from Kate's site...

Name someone with the same birthday as you.
Bruce Springsteen. When I was in high school and college, I was a huge Springsteen fan - I still love his old stuff but I don't get into his new CD's as much. To this day my brother calls me every year on my birthday and leaves the same message on my voicemail..."Hey, don't forget to call Bruce today and wish him a Happy Birthday. Never mind, I'll tell him when I see him." It never gets old.

Where was your first kiss?
I was 14 and it was after a Sadie Hawkins dance. Freshman year, I asked Darren Uecker who had hair like a helmet. It was 1981 and he smooched me goodbye after the dance. He was a sophomore.

Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
Well, it depends on what you consider "seriously." Once when I was nine, my cousin Rick and I went to a construction site where they were finishing new homes and pushed a bag of wet plaster off the second story onto the first floor. At the time we just thought it was cool, but it had to have been a huge mess for the construction crew the next day. I've felt guilty about it ever since I realized that it wasn't really nice.

Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
Yeah, my brother. We got in a really big fight once after a long night of drinking. I was 19 and he was dissing my boyfriend REALLY bad. So when we got home, I sort of pushed past him on my way into the house. He stopped me, pointed his finger in my face and very slowly and calmly said, "Don't EVER touch me again." I figured I had one shot. So I wound up and slapped him as hard as I could across the face and then ran like hell into the house screaming, "MOOOOOMMMM!!!!"
And one time I threw my keys at my ex-husband, aiming at his head. He ducked, but I had thrown them so hard that they stuck into the wall behind him.

Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
Of course. Not only the alcohol induced karoake nights where my sister and I sounded like the Chipmunks, but I was also in the Gospel choir at my church for a couple of years.

What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
Their "presence." You know, how they carry themselves. And their eyes, to see if they're kind.

What is your biggest mistake?
Underestimating myself in so many ways.

Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?
Not like you would think. But I do have this propensity to not eat when I'm depressed or stressed out. Most people have just the opposite - they eat or overeat under stress. The fact that I don't eat makes me wonder if I'm purposely trying to regain control, and that has got to be self-destructive.

Say something totally random about yourself.
Sometimes when I have to have an important conversation with someone, I not only go over it in my head first, but I also cover every possible outcome. I get so carried away with it sometimes that I find myself talking to myself and gesticulating in my car while I'm driving. I've looked over several times to see people looking at me like I'm crazy!

Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?
Yeah. When that show Hotel was out in the 80's, people said I looked like Connie Selleca. I've also been told I look like Marlo Thomas on That Girl. Of course, there's always the super model references.

Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows?
Yeah! I like some shows on Disney Channel that I watch with my daughter, and how about Finding Nemo?! "You are a squishy and you will be my squishy!!" :)

Did you have braces?
Yeah. And let this be a lesson to every teenager out there - WEAR YOUR RETAINER!!!
I didn't and now I have them again. Only this time they're the invisible ones that come off. I only wear them when I sleep. But I can't believe how great they're working!

Are you comfortable with your height?
Yeah I am. I'm only 5'1" and although I'm shorter than literally everyone I know, I've always liked being small. If I had to be a different height, I would be like 5'10". That's cool.

What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?
Well, the way my ex-husband proposed was pretty cool. But once on my birthday, someone made such a big deal out of it and even took me to a ballet when he would have rather had a tooth drilled than sat through that. And the whole night was cool like that.

When do you know it's love?
When you realize that the other person's baggage is not a deal breaker, when you run to the front door every time that person walks in, when you see the future and they're in it.

Do you speak any other languages?
I thought I spoke passable Spanish, but the other day at work I tried to interview a customer in Spanish and I ended up asking her how much money she makes per table instead of per month.
If I'm in France, I can ask where the bathroom is.

Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
Yeah, you know in the 80's when that was big, but not recently.

What magazines do you read?
I love O. I also like the gossipy ones like People. I get Gourmet every month and rip out the good recipes before I toss them.

Have you ever ridden in a limo?
Lots of times.

Has anyone you were really close to passed away?
Yes. Both of my grandmas. They were both so awesome.
But the one that hit me the hardest was my friend Cindy. She was only a couple of years older then me and passed away about a year ago, quite unexpectedly. She impacted my life when I really needed her and losing her was devastating.

Do you watch MTV?
No, only when my daughter has it on, but I usually end up making fun of it.

What's something that really annoys you?
People who take their bad moods out on others. I don't get it, I don't do it and I have no patience for it.

What's something you really like?
Jacuzzi's! Looking at stars while I'm in a jacuzzi. Looking at stars and hearing the wind blow through trees while I'm in a jacuzzi.

Can you dance?
Kind of......I'm really good at faking it, like Big Band stuff. I can fake my way through any Jitterbug and stuff like that. I can dance well if I like the music, but if I don't, you can tell I'm faking it.

What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
Until 8:30 AM after gambling all night in Vegas with a very young man that I met that night.

Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
Yes. October 23, 1999. I was in a 280Z, passenger side, and got hit on my side with a Dodge Ram truck that ran a red light and hit me broadside. After 150 feet of locked braked skidmarks, the truck hit me at 60 MPH. Should have died, but God had other plans. I'm so glad.

Skanky Halloween Bash

When did dressing up for Halloween become a hooch contest? I went to a Halloween party last night and I couldn't believe the costumes that literally all the girls were wearing. Every conceivable costume, from bumblebees to convicts, to Dorothy and Toto, all of them a sleazed out version aimed at showing as much ass and cleavage as possible. I don't think I'm a prude, but I was embarrassed for them.

I got invited to what I thought was going to be a cool party. It was Paul Frank's party (the designer) and I thought it would be somewhat upscale. I needed a pass to get in and I had to wait outside for my friend for a few minutes because I met him there. I should have known which way the night was headed when I heard a security guy get on a walkie-talkie and say, "Attention! We need a table upstairs ASAP for the cast of Laguna Beach!" Oh brother. Actually, one of them was quite nice. A young girl on the show who saw me waiting for a very long time outside struck up a conversation with me about my costume and then kept insisting to the door guy that he let me in with them because I was freezing. It was very sweet and she seemed genuinely concerned about the fact that I was standing in the cold.

I have a very good friend named John who has a long and funny last name (sorry John!) who I always make fun of for it, and I bet him that I could drop his name and get someone to agree that they knew who he was. He lives in Washington and as far as I know has never been on television, but I knew the power of suggestion can be stronger than any truth. At some point in the night, the band announced, "And we have the cast of Laguna Beach here tonight!" The crowd went wild (yes, they were all that young) and I turned to the girl next to me and said, "OH, I know someone who was on that show last season!" (Did they even HAVE a last season?) And she of course asked who? So I said, "John Vanderkjlkghawhb." And she said "Who?!" And I said, "YOU KNOWWWWW...the guy who went out with that girl for awhile before she dumped him for the other guy. He lived in that big house with the ocean view and his parents sent him somewhere really cool for graduation." And she said, "Oh Yeaaahhhh." Yes! Score!

Overall, the night was a disappointment. And on a school night, too. Oh well. My costume was awesome, though! Alright, three guesses......Prom dress, a tiara and lots of blood. Guess who? Ha! It was great. I only had a disposable camera, but I'll post a picture or two when I get them developed.

My Baby Girl

For those who don't know me...my daughter just started high school. She's 14, a freshman, and pretty. I knew before she ever started that I was screwed. Not only a freshman, but a pretty one, and a volleyball player. Who doesn't like the cute volleyball girls? Her Homecoming dance is coming up this weekend and by last week, five (FIVE!!) boys had already asked her. She finally said yes to the fifth one. One was a junior. I pretty much told her that she would go to the dance with a junior over my cold dead body. She understood. So after being asked to Homecoming by five different boys (did I mention one was a sleazy junior bastard who has no business even looking at my daughter?), she got her braces off on Friday. You know how you can picture how someone will look without them and you know they'll look better? Well, I had no idea. She doesn't just look better - she looks exponentially better. Out of control better. Okay...I know I'm her mom. I know I'm not objective, but TRUST ME!!! Anyone who has seen her (with or without braces) will tell you how beautiful she is. I AM SCREWED!!! So some kid named Jared is the lucky little guy. He called the other night and has terrible phone manners, and I am a stickler about phone manners in teenagers. Poor kid has no idea how I plan on re-training him if he hopes to spend one minute with my daughter. I've done it before, I can do it again. The last kid that liked my daughter now says the following when he calls my house..."Hi, Stephanie! This is Alex. How are you?" I say fine, talk to him for a minute and then he asks if Livy is available. They have stayed great friends, so we laugh about it now, but I literally trained him in speaking to parents, and told him how it would serve him well when he was older. His parents thanked me. If I can train him, I can train an impressionable little guy like Jared.
So of course, they're doing the overpriced limo thing with a bunch of kids. And of course, I will be at whoever's house the limo is picking them up at, biting my tongue when the kid looks at my daughter like she's dessert, and testing for a firm handshake. I know, I know...I'm a psycho mom. But she's my baby. I think she was just in diapers like last week. When did this happen? When did she grow into this beautiful, self-assured, kind hearted and confident young girl? Not to mention so charming. Oh, damn. I know I'm going to cry on Saturday night. But don't worry, I'll wait until they drive away.

My Morning...and 60 Seconds of Sleaze

You know Ryan Seacrest, of American Idol fame? Also the subject of my overused "Who told THAT guy he has talent?" line. He does a morning show on the radio out here, as if he's not annoying enough on TV. I don't listen to the station, but my 14 year old daughter has it set as a preset station for when she's in my car (although I'm pretty sure that when she has her own car in a year and a half, my choosing her presets will not be an option). Anyway, because the music on all of my other presets happened to suck at the moment, I pushed her little preset button in time to hear a breathy female voice say, "60 Seconds of Sleaze when we return." I rolled my eyes and was about to change it again when I thought it might be a good idea to listen to the 60 Seconds of Sleaze that my 14 year old is apparently exposed to. So when they came back on, I found that Ryan was reporting live from Pico Rivera (not one of your nicer L.A. neighborhoods) and interviewing people live on the air. As one would expect in Pico Rivera (a predominantly Hispanic neighborhood), most of the people in the audience were Hispanic with pretty heavy accents. So he introduced each one, BUTCHERED their names to the point of embarrassment (at least for me), and then when he answered them, he actually took on an accent himself! What an idiot. He spent a full minute making an ass out of himself with this fake accent, probably not even realizing that it's really not okay. THAT was the 60 Seconds of Sleaze?
60 Seconds of Stupidity.

So here's the best part of my morning...I'm just bummed that I didn't have my camera! I was on my way to work and I passed a Budget rent-a-truck. On the side panel was a picture of two stick figures, one bending over in front of the other. The one standing upright was wrapping packing tape around the other one's neck and head, so his upper half looked like a mummy. The writing above the picture said, "Packing Tip #48: Packing tape should not be used for mean and dangerous pranks." HA!

Bummer.

I am 11% White Trash.

I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box.

Take the
White Trash Test
@ FualiDotCom

I'm a little bummed about this, not to mention a little surprised. I DO live in southern Orange County, have a productive job, I have all of my teeth and no broken down cars on my lawn...but my Grammie was a career cocktail waitress who finally retired from the bowling alley at 69. Seriously. I thought having that in my bloodline would make me at least 20% white trash. Now what's my excuse for the white trash tailgate parties before old '80's bands?

Damn...Now I'll never win the lottery.

What a boring day........

Sometimes being single can suck. All my friends are married and hanging out with their husbands today and I had no one to hang out with. I sound like such a whiner, huh? But I just got this big fat paycheck on Friday and I wanted to spend some of it. My kids went to their dad's house yesterday and won't be home until Monday morning. So after running around the house doing the happy dance for about five minutes over having the house all to myself, I had a friend over for the Notre Dame game and a BBQ and that was fun. Then I woke up this morning all ready to go shopping and drop some cash, but the mall is just not so much fun by myself. I did get some killer perfume, though, and I have a feeling that at least one person a day will tell me how great I smell.
Usually I love having time to myself and am quite productive. Today I'm just bored.
I asked myself what I usually do when I'm alone that I have a lot of fun doing. So I'm gonna go put on an Andrea Bocelli CD, bake Parmesan bread and pretend I'm Italian.

Spyware and Purple Mountain's Majesty...

I have a spyware problem that is so bad, my computer has become a paperweight. It's completely useless. I get pop-ups that I can't even keep up with, my virus control and firewall have completely given up, and I even now get ads that appear as icons on my desktop. I think if I continue to try to use it, it will somehow use it's power to take over my corner of the world. I can still log on at work, but I have no time to post or read everyone else's, which is a drag. But I'll try to do what I can.

My daughters started school a couple of weeks ago. My younger one is in 5th grade and still needs crayons for school. So as I'm helping her get her stuff together the night before the first day of school, I look down at the box of Crayolas and had to stop and check it out. When I was a kid, we had crayons that were pretty generically named...you know, like Carnation Pink, Green Yellow, Blue Violet. Very literal. The only exotically named crayon was something like Burnt Sienna, because who really knew what color THAT was? But now they're really cool! I saw colors like Granny Smith Apple (which I swear they got from the martini!), Macaroni and Cheese (!), Wisteria, Mauvelous, and my personal favorite...Purple Mountain's Majesty. I love that one. I don't know what else there was because my daughter finally told me to back away from the crayons and nobody gets hurt. I got a little carried away.

My friend John who lives in Washington state sent me a cookbook for my birthday (along with some beautiful purple flowers) and it's called A Savory Sampler from Washington's Skagit Valley. It reminded me of the crayons. There are recipes in it like Sea Pigs, Wild Chanterelle Mushroom Timbale Black Swan (huh? If I have to go kill a swan, I'm out.), Abalone Beachballs, Angels on Horseback by the Water, and my personal favorite...Kan Ikke La Vaere. I haven't had that in awhile.
John says that all three women he knows swear by this cookbook. Actually, I'm looking forward to trying a few...especially the Keftethes.

By the way, I had a birthday...the big 3-9. I might as well be 40.

Hope is doing well, even though her new nickname is Hopeless (could someone have WARNED me that potty training a cocker spaniel is slightly harder than getting a Presidential pardon?

Other than that, things are good. Work is good, friends are good. Getting ready for another trip to the Big Apple in a couple of weeks (my dork older brother eloped and wants to have a reception in two weeks - nothing like time to plan!).

I just realized my computer was down when I took my trip to Chicago for Jimmy Buffet at Wrigley Field. I will definitely have to write about that later! Maybe even post a picture or two!!

Ow...Ow...OOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

I just got back from taking my girls ice blocking. That's where you take a big block of ice, find the steepest grassy hill you can, and slide! A California version of sledding.

I'm now in pain.

Why do I think I'm 16 years old and my body can take this stuff? Ow.

I have to admit it was a blast. We ended up with 7 kids and 4 adults. Four of the kids tried building an ice blocking train where they all hooked onto the person's legs in front of them, lining up their blocks of ice and letting go. That caused some injuries, but none that landed them in the emergency room. That's always a bonus. I'm always amazed at the fact that other parents still seem to trust me with their children. Personally, I wiped out so many times I lost count.

We took little Hope with us and of course she had a blast chasing us down the hill, as though she might actually catch us! Such a cutie. And then there's me, thinking my body is made of steel, whizzing down the hill, as though wiping out at the bottom won't hurt for the next three days. Ow.

Oh, this part was cool...I've been ice blocking since high school, even on the same hill. It's simply called The Ice Blocking Hill, and everyone in this town knows about it. The first time I went was in 1982. It was in high school right after my first, no second, Go-Go's concert. It was their Vacation tour. Of course I got a T-shirt from the concert which showed all the Go-Go's water skiing on the front, and the back said, "Don't bother me - I'm on Vacation!" I STILL HAVE IT!! Yes - it's been my official ice blocking shirt ever since then, and I pulled it out for the big event tonight! Vintage Go-Go's. Love it. I wore it proudly.

Well, I gotta go to bed. I'm so sore but even too tired for a bath. Of course my girls aren't even home yet, because the ice blocking apparently didn't tire them out enough and now they need to go toilet paper someone's house. I'm cool with that as long as they show up in the morning to help clean up.

By the way, everyone who told me to crate train Hope - Thank You!! When I finally listened and started crating her for the night, she and I have slept so much better!!

A Little Hope...

Awwwwwwwww.......... 

Yup...here's the newest member of our little family. Her name is Hope.
I broke down, gave in, caved in...whatever you want to call it - I am a sucker!
My girls have been begging for a dog for years and I've managed to dodge this bullet for as long as possible. I swear raising a puppy is harder than raising a child and I've tried to explain that to my kids. But then we were in the pet store the other night and saw this little cutie and even I couldn't resist. I did pretty well when they told me that the dog was $750! For a dog? She doesn't even have papers (not that I need those, but for $750 bucks, you'd think they would at least keep up the pretense of her being valuable). I'm all about saving the dog from the pound - that's where we got our cat. But I sure fell in love with this little girl! I talked them down to $600 and then got my ex-husband to pay for it (he's a bigger sucker than me! ;) He started out by saying he would give me $400 towards the dog and then he saw the teary look in my daughter's eyes when she thought she couldn't get it. She gave us the speech about how of course she'll pick up after it, take it for walks, bathe it, feed it twice a day, train it to drive her to school...all the things a parent wants to hear. Her dad fell for it hard - she is such a daddy's girl! He finally said, "Okay, just go get the dog, and just try to get me a good deal on it!" She started to cry again, and when I asked her why she was crying, she said, "Because I'm so happy!" Awww...!! Then I look at her dad and his eyes were all teary, and I thought - SUCKER!!!

She sure is a cute little thing, but now I'm in for long nights, early mornings and chewed up stuff all over the house. I never realized how much stuff I leave laying around until I got her, and it's only been one day!

By the way, I don't know the first thing about training a dog, so I could use any advice anyone chooses to give. She's managed not to have any accidents in the house (we take her out like every five minutes!), but I know they're coming.

I'll keep you posted on little Hope's progress!

Hmmmmmm....

I heard a great story once along the lines of Indecent Proposal...A man offers a woman a million dollars to sleep with him and she says, "Sure!" thinking what she could do with a million bucks.
Well, they go back to her place, and when they're done, he throws a five dollar bill on the nightstand. She yells, "Five bucks?! I'm not a whore!" And he replies, "I think we've already established that you are."

I think you could apply that story to so many situations in life - our willingness to compromise for the right price. My ex-husband lives about 45 minutes away and one Friday night he was supposed to drive to my house to pick up the girls for the weekend. He did not want to fight traffic and asked me to drive them out instead. I had plans that night and since his house is down the same highway that leads to the mountains, Vegas, the river, basically everywhere a southern Californian may want to escape for the weekend, there was no way I was going to engage in a three hour round trip as a favor to him. Finally he said, "I will give you $500 if you drive the girls out here right now."..................DONE!!! Does that make me a driving whore? I don't care - I got five hundred bucks!! :)

In my new job I call on car dealers, specifically finance managers. I spent the entire day in the field yesterday visiting dealers who haven't sent us any business in the last few months, and trust me, I knew what I was doing. One dealer has only sent us one deal (worth about $9000) in the last several months because he hates our program and thinks we're too tight. I walked out of there with $100,000 worth of contracts (and a Mango-A-Go-Go Jamba Juice), and I know it was directly proportional to the length of my skirt - trust me, our program hasn't changed. At another dealer I got several contracts, lunch, and my car washed. How funny is that? When I go out in the field, I'm usually out until 7 or 8 at night, yet I know it's not my hard work or diligence that's earning me these contracts. It's the skirt. It's the ability to sit there and pretend to be flattered and laugh at their jokes. Again - I don't even care! I got a sweet bonus last month and if things keep going well, I'll get an even sweeter one this month.

Today is our company golf tournament and we invited our favorite dealers. There are so many that I think would be really fun to hang out with and we were sure to invite all of them. So my partner and I get a chance to spoil them with our self-stocked beer cart, and we get to see them in a more social environment. I'm really looking forward to it. I was planning on taking about a case of beer and maybe the makings of my killer apple martinis, but my boss just called to tell me that someone else is taking four cases of beer for her dealers? FOUR? I only invited eight people and I'm pretty sure two of them don't drink. This should be good....hopefully I'll have some great stories tomorrow....and the time to actually write about them!