Words I Wish I Wrote...

Many years ago I bought a book called Words I Wish I Wrote by Robert Fulgham. You might know him from his "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" essay. The book was filled with quotes, song lyrics, even Scriptures that particularly moved him. I fell in love with the idea and several years ago started my own. One of my favorites is the quote at the top of my blog.

My friend John particularly appreciated mine, so one year for his birthday I got him started on his own copy, leaving all but a couple of the pages blank, ready to be filled with his own version of words he wished he wrote (and by the way, if you would like to be lifted up, read his incredible post called "The Night Is Young And So Is She").

I am so blessed by the wisdom and humor of others and I decided to share a little of it on my blog. So here's the first installment of Words I Wish I Wrote, by Steph....

I love this quote, because it really reminds me of myself!

"I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries"
~Theodore Isaac Rubin

I suck.

You know how on my kids birthdays every year I wake them up at the exact time they were born and tell them the story of how the day started, the trip to the hospital, who was there, how excited we were, all that stuff? Yeah, well apparently I've been getting my younger daughter's time wrong for 11 years now. Ironically, it's my older daughter that could really give a rip about it, but the little one loves it. It's so important to her that on her birthday this year she asked me over and over, "Does daddy know what time I was born?" And she had tears in her eyes, anticipating the answer to be no. I said, "Of course he does - 7:23 AM - he was there too, and he would never forget such an incredible moment!" Then I went and hid somewhere while I called my ex-husband and told him exactly what time to call her in the morning, because of course he had no clue.

So this morning, we're driving in the car and she takes a copy of her birth certificate out of my purse to look at it. I'm carrying it around because I need to turn it in to her soccer club this afternoon. She looked at it and made a joke like, "Oh good. I was born." I glanced over at the birth certificate and in the upper right hand corner is the time she was born. 8:05 AM. Nice. So of course, I distracted her by pointing to her dad's signature and took it out of her hands, saying something like, "What?! I gave birth to you and they didn't even let me sign your birth certificate?!" And with that I folded it up, put it back in my purse and moved on, essentially delaying the moment when she discovers that our 7:23 AM birthday memories have all been a sham! Parenting at it's best.

If you don't hear from me in a week...

...check the back of your milk carton.

I've had a completely surreal experience that I'm still sort of reeling from. I had a date - two dates to be exact. That's not the surreal part. It's the aftermath. I went out with someone last week and again over the weekend. I wasn't really crazy about him, although his first impression last week was pretty good. I spoke to him about 5 or 6 times before we went out. Unfortunately, before our first date, I had also made plans with him for Saturday night - trust me, I know that was my biggest mistake. By Saturday, I knew I had no interest in dating him again. Apparently he had other ideas. After the first date he sent me a poem. I'm not really into people I don't know writing me creepy, stalker-like poems. After the second date, he wrote me another one - this one about the "Embodiment of a Woman" in which he said was describing me. It was just really creepy. The same day, he sent me our "Zodiac Compatibility." He continued to creep me out. Really bad.
He was what my friends and I refer to as a "man-bitch" - although he's male, he turned out to be effeminate and catty, not to mention he walked like a girl. I decided not to see him again. That's when the creepy voicemails, IM's, and e-mails began - all culminating in the following e-mail. I'm amazed and disturbed by the amount of time and effort put into insulting me by someone who barely knows me. Prior to this I had asked him not to contact me any more, because I had at least ten voicemails, e-mails, instant messages, etc. that were all psychotic, just in 24 hours. As you read this, keep in mind...TWO DATES!!! (Trust me, the e-mail is way too long to be rational, so if you can't hang for the whole thing...I totally understand!)...

P.S. He says he's currently writing the 7th chapter of his book on relationships. God help us all if it ever gets published.

(By the way, someone anonymously asked in my comments what happened on Saturday that turned things bad and what his e-mail comments were which he refers to. The e-mails were the ones I mentioned about the poem and the zodiac compatibility, I received both of those on Sunday. I didn't acknowledge them because if I had, it would have been to say that writing a poem filled with the things that this one said, AND writing a page on the zodiac compatibility of two people who barely know each other is beyond creepy (Oh, I almost forgot - the poem even mentioned the brand of lingerie he fantasized me wearing). Sure fire way to make someone think you're a stalker.
Saturday night, he came to pick me up to watch the UFC fights at my friend's house. When he entered my house (a half an hour late), he walked past me into the living room, dining room, and then into the kitchen, basically giving himself his own little tour of my house, and proceeded to critique the entire thing - furniture, pictures, the layout, etc. He knows the previous owner built the cabinets and countertops and he actually tried to shake them to see if they were sturdy and then he said what he thought they did wrong with them. Meanwhile, I'm still standing in the foyer in shock. I already thought he was cocky by nature, but that clinched it. He asked me what was wrong and I told him the truth - that walking in my house without being invited and critiquing it the way he did was really cocky. So...anonymous commenter...there you go)

Here's the e-mail in it's entirety...

"As in life, we rarely get what we want but often get what we deserve....which is why you are receiving this email from me now. I woke this morning totally pissed that I actually spent time trying to get you to "reconsider". My fear all day was that you would actually email me telling me you would like to talk. I sit here very relieved at the fact that I am not investing any more time into someone who frankly isn't nearly as "enlightened" and perfect as she thinks. In fact, whatever demons you are dealing with that cause you to be so "guarded" and quick to pass judgment are still clearly a part of your life. What I won't EVER do is spend time with a hypocrite. Nothing is more frustrating than dealing with someone who is reads SO MUCH into the actions of others but fails to hold herself to the same "standard". Because of your obvious HYPER-SENSITIVITY, you totally TOTALLY MIS-READ my actions on Saturday night....THEN allowed your mis-interpretation to impact (negatively) our time together. THEN, instead of sharing, I had to pull it out of you. THEN you just level me with a comment that totally doesn't apply. Instead of reacting in the manner which you have over these past 24 hours, I took the more mature and patient route with you than you ever extended to me at any point over the last 24 hours. Totally pathetic and immature.....especially for someone who claims to have her act "together".

The fact you didn't even comment on my emails on Sunday afternoon was rude and insensitive. Again....2 things you CLAIMED you weren't but your actions showed differently.

The fact you feel I made myself appear "pretty healthy" is true. It's because I am Stephanie. I am the kind of man who judges people (and sets expectations) based on their past behavior. Past interaction and behavior is the best indicator or future behavior. When I talk to you each night for 3 weeks in a row.....when you NEVER let my calls go to voicemail (maybe 2-3 times)...then suddenly, within a day of inappropriately being told I was "cocky", I start to receive this sort of attitude from you (who shows NO responsibility or apologies for your rude comments about me on Sat). You also showed NO appreciation for the emails that I sent on Sunday...which just added more fuel to this fire. What just blew me away even more was the fact you IGNORED my requets on Sunday to talk (instead you kept on IM). THEN you took a "bath"....making me wait another 45 mins!!!!! How f-n rude can you be in one day? I don't care if I know someone 1 hour or 10 years.....I NEVER make them wait (or ignore them) the way you did me (a man who was simply trying to make up for the night before and keep your attention). My intentions and interest (AT THE TIME) were genuine and sincere. I assure you....fyour ability to turn someone so cold to you so quickly is unparalleled.

I am not sure if it is a defensive mechanism in you...or if you really believe it...but this whole attitude you project is so inaccurate and unfair to anyone who is fooled by it as I was. I am sure you believe you are a good person....and I still believe that myself. It's just you have a very selfish streak to you that blows me away. It reveals itself in so many of our discussions and areas in your life....and is the biggest aspect of your personality that I knew I would have a hard time dealing with. You are very much a "me" oriented person....and frankly the list of "Mr. Wrongs" you are going to date moviing forward seems very long. Any quality man would appreciate the numerous qualities you have to offer him...however his patience with a dominant selfish aspect of your personality will send him running.

Your limited perspective has resulted in a much needed and appreciated push. I actually feel good about the fact you and I didn't have the chance to spend more time together.....because you would then have to deal with knowing just how big of a loss this is for you. Right now....it's easier for you to simply believe I am some jerk.....but I am comforted KNOWING that you just lost an incredible opportunity to have something that only comes by once in a lifetime (at this "level"). I am sure you will find "some guy"...who will treat you just well enough to keep you. Then you both can hang out and watch the fights with the kind of people who talk and act the way your "friends" did on Saturday. While they are nice....they are NOT the kind of people who I would ever allow my kids around or be around myself too often. Those sort of people are a everywhere. Well-intentioned, ignorant simple people who bring no real VALUE (other than a moderate "entertainment" factor") into the lives of those who call them friends. Don't get me wrong...they are very nice...and can be funny. But the exposure to that sort of behavior and conversation is just not healthy. I want more for myself and my family. I expect more of myself (and whomever is in my life). If that means staying home and watching a movie alone versus going out and associating with people who have so little respect for themselves and each other (including their own kid) then I will stay home.

I tried to think about "why" we met...and I realize it was so that I would have this opportunity to make certain you had someone tell you this. You are an incredible woman with many great qualities to you. I know. However....how YOU responded to me and my actions these past 2 days is so clearly a reflection of how you handle things in life. This was a very ridiculous and small issue that should never have had a life of more than 5 mins on a phone call between us. Yet, your continued reaction to my WRITTEN WORD (instead of spoken word) is what put us here.

YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.....IM IS A BAD THING BECAUSE OF HOW THINGS ARE INTEREPRETTED. YET YOU CONTINUED TO DEFER TO EMAIL INSTEAD OF TALKING....AND AS A RESULT, YOU READ INTO MY COMMENTS THINGS THAT WERE NOT INTENDED. I have a writing style....that you obviously don't understand or cannot read without seeing things as "passive aggressive". I assure you had you just called....ONCE....this NEVER would have happened. So YES...I AM putting the majority of this on your shoulders....because you have been doing it to me for 2.5 days now and it isn't fair or accurate.

How self-absorbed of you. Good luck....you are going to need it.

Sorry you don't feel like "re-hashing" this. I could see why not. I mean...to expose yourself to being shown just how big of a role you played in this would be daunting.

I am so totally disgusted by your actions and immaturity. ANYONE who was sincere and mature would have called to talk. Instead...you chose the cowardly way of email to communicate....and because of it, things were said and mis-interpreted on your part that should not have been.

Hey...you always have the guy across the hall from you. I am sure he is up to getting back with you. In fact....aren't ALL the guys you dated wanting to get back with you? Rest assured.....your streak of men regretting ever losing you in a relationship has ended with me. You will NOT be someone I ever look back on and think "gee, maybe I should have done more" or "boy did I screw up".

See you around during footballl season!!! "

Easter Love...

My daughters were gone for Easter yesterday. The older one was in Palm Springs with her best friend and the little one spent the weekend at her dad's house. So it was just me and I missed them so much! I went to my friend Michelle's house for brunch, which ended up lasting longer than any brunch I've ever been to, but we had a great day! Then I went to church with my mom and made her dinner.
Being a single woman amongst a world full of married friends is interesting. There's always some time during every holiday where my girls are at their dad's, so my closest friends get on this little network where they feel like they have to make sure I have plans. It makes me feel slightly pathetic but I absolutely love them for it! I can hear the conversation now...one calls up another and says, "Hey, take Steph for Easter this year, I took her for Christmas." I know they really want me there and always try to talk me into staying longer. I love them so much for caring about my holidays, and sharing theirs with me.
While I was finishing up brunch, I checked my cell phone and saw that each of my daughters had texted me. Yup, me...the non texter - who just about broke down when I saw the text messages from my lovely little girls on Easter. My older daughter is now 15 (yes, her birthday came and went about two weeks ago and I'm officially old!) and she is my sweetie, but definitely as self-centered as a 15 year old girl can be right now. But she took the time out of her day to send me and her sister a text. This is what it said..."Happy Easter!! Love you guys!! I'll call you later :)" And just when I start feeling all warm and fuzzy, I read on..."Oh and mom can i possibly go to the movies tom night? we're coming home tom morning. <3" Yup - that's my girl! And her sister responded with..."Hi! Happy Easter! I love u!"
I can't tell you how incredibly happy it made me to know that both of my daughters thought of me and each other on a holiday apart. There are so many female hormones flying around my house with the three of us, a female dog and a female cat, that you'd think we would all pull each other's hair out (yeah, we've come close), but what a lucky mom I am that there's also so much love.

"Another One Bites the Dust...Hey! Hey!"

I just saw Queen on Monday night! Yes!!! I know this dates me! I don't even care - it was one of the greatest concerts ever! "How does Queen manage to put on a concert without Freddy Mercury?" you may be wondering. By getting Paul Rogers - formerly of Bad Company - to fill in. He was awesome!! It was a combination of Queen songs and Bad Company, and a total flashback night for me. And by the way, I'm pretty sure Paul Rogers wants to marry me. Yeah, so he's short and old - so am I!

I went with my friend Chera, who is a great time even on a slow night! We had a BLAST!! We even bought cheesy tie-dyed T-Shirts in the parking lot with old pictures of Freddy Mercury on them (which we know we'll never wear, but that's okay!). We sang at the top of our lungs and drunk-dialed all of our Queen-fan friends during their favorite songs!

On the way to the concert, my friend Kirk called and stayed on the phone with us for awhile while we were on our way. Even the ride up was a blast. Before he hung up, he said that if we drank too much and couldn't drive home, to call him and he would come pick us up, which was a totally sweet offer. Then he told us to call him during "Another One Bites the Dust" his favorite Queen song. He hung up saying, "Remember...call me if you need anything!" So when they played that song toward the end of the concert, we called him up so he could hear it and then I said, "Hey Kirk! You know how you said to call you if we needed anything. Well, we REALLY need another beer, but we don't want to miss this song. Could you work that out for us, sweetie? Thanks!"

In the spirit of Paul Rogers wanting to marry me, I've created a little short film depicting our first encounter. The part I'm most stoked about is that I found an actress who looks exactly like me. Check it out...

A Match Made in Heaven

"I See Stupid People..."

On a Saturday before Christmas, my two daughters and I went shopping at Costco. I'm not sure if Costco is a nationwide chain, so if you don't know what it is, think mega-warehouse where they sell everything in bulk, for a lot cheaper than the grocery store, sporting goods store, hardware store...you name it.
When we pulled into a parking space, I turned off my car, turned to my girls and said, "Get ready. We're about to enter Costco on a Saturday before Christmas. Every stupid person in Southern California is within those four walls this very minute. Don't be scared. Don't be frustrated. Just be ready." In an attempt to preserve our sanity, we decided to make a game of it and count stupid people. Whenever we walked by someone blocking an entire aisle with their oversized cart just waiting to get a sliver of a Bagel Bite sample, we would yell over our shoulder, "NUMBER 1!!" If an entire family of stupid people rammed their cart into us and then just stood there blocking our way for longer than two minutes, we would yell, "NUMBERS 3 through 6!!" Eventually, my girls ditched me to look at DVDs. A few minutes later, I heard a voice from the opposite end of an aisle yell, "NUMBER 7!!!," and I turned to see my oldest daughter trapped between a shopping cart and a wall of hair products, while she was trying to get to me. The shopping cart was actually pressed right up against her stomach pinning her in place, and the person behind it wasn't moving!
Later, when my younger daughter was pushing the cart she said, "I just found Number 12, and Boo (her sister) is in serious danger of becoming Number 13." Now when we're in any crowded place, we know we'll automatically play the stupid person game. We walk through the gates of Disneyland, or anywhere else there are big crowds, and almost immediately get started with, "NUMBER 1!! And NUMBER 2 for the idiot who just sneezed into the back of my head!"

Not long after that day at Costco, I was walking into my living room where my daughters were sitting and I tripped, barely catching myself from falling. Without even looking up, my oldest daughter quietly said, "Number 17." :)