A Story That Should Definitely Stay in Vegas...

...but if I had any judgment in the first place, it probably never would have happened.

No short way to tell this story, so grab some popcorn.

I have to preface this story by first telling you a bit about my older sister, Jennifer. We are very, very close. We don't make any moves without first consulting the other, parenting, career-wise, etc. We talk almost every day, even though we live 400 miles apart. However, and this is a very big HOWEVER, we could not be more different. She is ultra-conservative (no, don't worry, not an I-voted-for-Bush conservative), but in her dress, in her manner, in her idea of fun. Very unlike my brother and I. It's amazing that we were all raised in the same household. She's very serious, I'm just not. Over the years, she hasn't always identified with, or approved of, all of my behavior to say the least. You can tell how different we are by first sight...I get called the MILF in my neighborhood (and find that sickly flattering); she would find that utterly offensive. I have really long dark brown hair, and am a total girly girl. She's got short blonde hair, no make-up (she's lucky enough to not need it), glasses, shops at L.L. Bean. Okay, so now you know...

I have a friend in Vegas named Michael who I decided to have breakfast with on that Saturday morning. We went to the new Wynn Hotel to check it out. I had been up very late the night before and had a Bloody Mary with breakfast. We then decided to check out the pool, thinking as a brand new hotel, it would be very cool. It was lame, but there was a bar, so by 10:30 AM we're throwing back martini's. Hey, it's Vegas.
Well, on the other side of the bar, there's another pool, this one with a sign that says, "European Style Bathing." I know what they were hoping for, but if it was anything like the European Style Bathing that I saw while I was in Europe, the only ones getting naked were a bunch of saggy old men. There were quite a few people at the pool already, but none of them actually topless, just a few men hoping to see topless women.

So fast-forward an hour or so, a couple drinks later...Michael bribes one of the pool guys to get us a couple of chairs and some towels even though we can't produce a room key, and we get set up under a tree in the back. By now, a few women are sunbathing topless, and a whole lot of men are enjoying the scenery. It's really hot and I'm in jeans, high heeled sandals and a silk-lined tank top. I'm hot. It's already 95 degrees out. My four drinks tell me there's nothing wrong with taking off my jeans and sunbathing in my underwear and tank top. I figured you can't tell the difference between my underwear and a bathing suit anyway (if you're into white thong bathing suits), so off they come. Of course Michael, being the guy that he is says, "SURE!! Why not? Get comfortable!" So we lay there soaking up some rays for a few minutes when I realize that I'm sweating under my silk tank top. Get ready...this is the part that lands me in the God Fearing Mother of Two Hall of Shame...I decide it's a great idea to take off the tank top, too. By now plenty of women are topless around the pool (okay...a couple), and hey, I'm in the back where there's very little foot traffic. Off goes the tank top.

Around noon my sister calls because her flight had just landed. I told her we were at the Wynn hotel pool and to go to our hotel, grab my bathing suit and join us. I told her to call when she was outside the pool area and we would slip the pool kid more cash to let them in. Of course I didn't tell her I was naked, because that would have caused a huge rift between us - she would not dig it to say the least (as well as very different than me, did I also mention that she's a very protective older sister?).

Back to the pool...I still managed to stay low key for awhile until Michael wanted to go in the pool. Of course, I resisted for awhile, remembering the WHITE underwear, but he talked me into walking to the pool with a towel wrapped around me, just dropping it long enough to get under water. While standing by the side of the pool I met two women who were also thinking of stripping down and getting in, so of course I talked them into it so as to have a couple partners in crime. I stayed in the water up to my neck, but they just did not care. They were all over the place, which was nice because it made me feel like the attention was on them and not me. After awhile, we get out of the pool. He got out first and held out my towel and my drunken state convinced me that no one saw anything. I knew I had to dry off in time for my sister to arrive and put my suit on when she got there.

A few minutes later, I'm feeling a little parched. Must be a Vegas phenomenon...the thirst that even a bloody mary, an apple martini and three beers before noon can't quench. We were wondering what happened to our cocktail waitress and after that much alcohol, getting pretty damn indignant, too! We needed more drinks! I told Michael to go, he told me to go, I said no, and he said, "I KNEW you wouldn't go up to the bar like that. I dare you." WHAT?! Did someone just dare me to do something that is totally within my realm of possibility (which only means won't hurt my children or myself - anything else is fair game)? That same bloody mary, apple martini, and three beers were screaming "HEY! There is NO shame in MY game!!!" I grabbed a towel to cover up the front of my still wet underwear, flipped my hair over my shoulder with a backwards 'I'm too stinkin' hot' look at Michael and I was off! Through the cluster of chairs, around the pool, and through the bar. I was just about to give my order to the bartender when what do I hear behind me, but a very loud and infuriated voice say, "What the F&#@ are you doing?!"

My sister.

Guess she made it in on her own.

All she sees is my back covered with long, dark, wet hair and my bare ass hanging out for everyone to see. So I turn around (which is no better when you're naked and trying to hide it) to speak to her. I begin to explain about the dare and blah, blah, blah...none of it made sense, no one cared, particularly her. So I decided to take another tack and order us some drinks, hoping that would put her in a better mood. I turn to the bartender and give him our order and he says, "I'm sorry miss, I can't serve you unless you put more on." WHAT?!!!!!! This whole European Style Bathing thing was THEIR STINKIN' IDEA!! So if I wasn't feeling like enough of a ho in front of my sister, that pretty much clinched it. Our other friends who had arrived with her eventually approached when they saw that she wasn't going to chastise me further and we all ordered drinks - after I wrapped the towel around me, of course.

Eventually Michael came to find me. Last he knew, he sent me to the bar 15 minutes earlier, naked. Kind of an awkward introduction to say the least, "Uh...Jen, this is Michael...Michael, this is Jen." Her knowing that he's the one who put her baby sister up to this. Yeah.

Good Times.