My girls and I are taking a road trip tomorrow. After my little one's soccer tournament, we're driving up to northern California to pick up my two little nieces, who are 5 and 3 years old. I get to bring them home with me and keep them for a week at which time my sister will pick them up and take them back home, after the requisite trip to Disneyland, of course. What she doesn't know is how much fun the girls are really going to have at Auntie Steph's house. They're already trained to know that when Auntie Steph is around, they get stuff. They pretty much get whatever they want, and I think it's only right that they do. That's my job and I take it very seriously. I'm going to spoil the little stuffin' out of them. It's been awhile since I had really little ones around the house, so it's going to be a week of water wings in the pool, trips to the lake and the beach, snickerdoodles for breakfast, you know...the usual. On the older one's 5th birthday last year, I drove up to spend it with her and she ran into the bedroom in the morning and said, "Guess what, Auntie Steph! I'm five today - I'm a whole hand!!" How stinkin' cute is that? So of course, I told her that I was going to make her a special breakfast for her 5th birthday - chocolate chip pancakes! And my sister vetoed it. Said she was going to have birthday cake that day and it was too much sugar. What kind of bullshit is that? For her first breakfast at Auntie Steph's house, she'll have none other than chocolate chip pancakes. With extra whipped cream.
But this week is also time for paybacks. You see, my sister is very strict, demanding only the best behavior from her kids and hasn't always appreciated my attempts at corruption. The sad part for her though is that I had children first and she set the standard for corrupting each other's kids. When my teenager was just two years old, my sister taught her the following dialogue...
Sister: "What does a doggie do?"
Daughter: "Ruff. Ruff."
S: "Good girl! What does a kitty cat do?"
D: "Meow. Meow."
S: "You're right! What does a ducky do?"
D: "Quack. Quack."
S: "Yup. Now, what does Mommy do?"
D: "Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag."
Yeah. Nice. Not to mention teaching her "See Food," and other slightly undesirable behavior for a child while in public. To this day, she's still bitter that she named a child after me, and I named a dog after her. So this is my chance at total and complete corruption. I've tried it in smaller doses in the past. This last Christmas, I had the 5 year old convinced that my sister got nothing but coal from Santa when she was a little girl. She now speculates on what her mother could have possibly done that was hideous enough for that unspeakable punishment, and to this day will offer possibilities as she thinks of them. But that was peanuts. I need to get serious about this and I'm taking suggestions. If you have any great ideas let me know. And yeah, the usual rules apply...you know...no one can get hurt, no permanent emotional damage, nothing that will get them in any serious trouble with their mother, blah blah blah. But let's get down to the most important qualification of a great suggestion...it must make Auntie Steph the hero. :)
I'll keep you posted.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
Words I Wish I Wrote 6.16.06
Love Dave Barry!
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an arguement on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of great respect, they don't even invite me."
~ Dave Barry
"I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an arguement on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of great respect, they don't even invite me."
~ Dave Barry
Monday, June 12, 2006
Monday Memories 6.12.06
Just a little warning for those under the age of 18, or those sensitive to explicit content...stop reading here. With that said.....
Did I ever tell you about the time that Kiefer Sutherland went down on me?
Here's the scoop...there's this dive bar near where I live called the Gypsy Lounge, where local bands play quite often. Really just the most successful local bands; most of them have recording contracts already on smaller labels. There's a guy in one of the bands who is good friends with Kiefer Sutherland, so Kiefer sightings are quite frequent. One night I'm in the bar with several friends and my friend Brian and I decide to go to the bar and get a couple of drinks. There was only one stool available and it was right next to Kiefer and his friends, so of course I took it. Brian was standing up on the other side of me. After a few minutes, everyone in Kiefer's group was looking on the ground, all bent over as though they dropped something. Several minutes passed and they're still crouched down looking, so I asked if they needed me to move because Kiefer was just about under my chair looking for whatever it was he dropped. I had already swung my legs over to the other side of the stool. The floor of the Gypsy is SO nasty, that I couldn't imagine anything worth digging around on the ground to find. After another minute, Kiefer pulled out a lighter to see better and by now is almost underneath my stool! He was also dangerously close to my friend Brian by this time. So again I asked if he would like me to move because I felt like he was probably getting to know me a little better than I expected at that point, and he looked up at me and said no I was fine. So I responded with, "Well, okay. In that case then...while you're down there...." or something equally corny and stupid. And right as Kiefer was looking up at me with a "What the fu**" look, Brian actually winked at him and said, "Yeah. Thanks Kiefer." It was hysterical!! We got a courtesy laugh from Kiefer, but we didn't care. We went around the rest of the night and told that story to anyone who would listen, and it has gone down in history as The Night Kiefer Sutherland Went Down On Me.
So Kiefer, if you're reading this, and I'm sure you are...Thanks for one of the best non-sexual sexual experiences of my life.
Call me.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Monday Memories 6.5.06
This is one of my favorite pictures in the whole world.
It was June of 2001, and I was with a group from my church. I had four friends on my team (I was the only girl), and a drover for our pack mule. We flew into Lima, Peru, took a charter flight to Arequipa, a 16 hour bus ride up and over a narrow portion of the Andes into the Cotahuasi Valley, and trekked for seven days until we came to this remote village at 13,500 feet. At our highest point, we were at 16,000. I can't imagine anywhere on earth being more remote, except maybe somewhere in the Amazon. We had nothing but some rough maps, a GPS, and a satellite phone in case of emergencies. We trekked for eight hours a day, filtered our own water from running streams, and basically flew by the seat of our pants the rest of the way.
We arrived in Arequipa ready to board the bus for the very long and winding trip through the mountains. While we were there, however, Peru was rocked with an 8.1 earthquake and the most severe damage was in the town square in Arequipa where we happened to be sightseeing at the time. Everyone pretty much ran for cover, but by the time it was over, the town square was almost in ruins. The church in the picture below, the Basilica Cathedral, built in the 1500's had lost one of it's towers. I have pictures of the church with both towers, and then some taken literally ten minutes later, with only one.
In Peru, you can buy antibiotics in drug stores without a prescription. So I took what spending money I had, bought up all the antibiotics, pain relievers and bandages we could find and started out. We had heard the villages had been hit very hard, and their houses made of mud and clay had crumbled. After reaching Cotahuasi, we took off on our trek, only now we found ourselves climbing over rubble and fallen rocks, instead of the neatly blazed trails the Cechuan people had created. On our way into one village, we came across the little girls in the picture above. They took us by surprise, as you can tell by what I'm wearing. It would have been culturally insensitive for me to walk into a village dressed like that. With more warning I would have put on a jacket and zipped on the bottom leg portion of my pants.
While we were there, we visited four villages much like this one, the largest of them with 100 people total. Each with beautiful children just like these little girls and people who were filled with love and hope, despite the catastrophe that had just occurred. They were so incredibly hospitable to us and so happy to have us there. They opened their humble homes to us, cooked for us, and sent us home with handmade gifts. The lessons we learned from them in humanity and kindness are deeply ingrained in our hearts. As we were leaving the valley, we were sent off with love and gratitude. We knew without a doubt, however, that although they were grateful for the help we brought during difficult times, we were the ones who were truly blessed by our visit.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
So Sweet...
You've heard me mention my friend, John. If you haven't, feel free to read this and get caught up. He's an incredible man and I'm blessed to know him. Well John sends me flowers quite often - he's just like that. He sends them every year for my birthday, but mostly he sends them for no reason at all. Today he sent them because he knows the last day of the month is particularly stressful for me at work. What more could a girl ask for? (Yeah, John...that was just for you ;) **
Since he lives in Washington and I live in Southern California, John never gets to see the flowers he sends. And every time I receive them, I say the same thing..."They're so beautiful! I wish you could see them. I'll send you a picture of them!" And I never do. I'm a flake like that. This nice man sends me flowers and I can't even break out the digital camera before they die, to show him the beauty he has added to my life.
So today's the day...I'm turning over a new me! ;)
And what did I tell ya? Yup - They're beautiful!!!
And by the way..."Hey, John! As always...Thank you, my sweet friend."
**Just a little side bar...John jokingly asked me that very question when we spoke tonight and my answer was, "A firmer ass. A girl can always ask for a firmer ass!" ;)
Monday, May 29, 2006
Monday Memories 05.29.06
Since it's Memorial Day, I wanted to remember an incredibly special man ~ my father-in-law, Edward Frances (with a last name that is incredibly Irish and the same as mine, which is why I'm not going to name it now). His parents came over to the United States from Ireland and passed through Ellis Island. He was born in 1922, served in WWII and raised 7 children; two step-children and five of his own, one being my ex-husband. He was a kind, gentle and wise man and I loved him tremendously.
While I was married to my ex-husband, his mother hated me with a passion. She actively pursued ways to show me how much she despised me, as she did with each person - man or woman - who married one of her children. I was very young and shocked and confused by her unprovoked hatred. I was raised to respect adults, especially my elders, and was just idealistic enough to think I could turn it around, so for the first few years I never fought back. Through it all, there was Ed. He loved her immensely, but knew she was unfair in her treatment of me. He always let me know that he loved me and that I was a valued member of his family. He made dealing with her bearable. We shared the same twisted sense of humor and he knew it. When something happened at a family gathering that he knew I would find equally ridiculous, he would always catch my eye and give me a look that spoke volumes. It was as though only he and I knew how completely stupid a particular comment was. If someone said something that could have a silly double meaning, we agreed on those too, and with a look could have each other in stitches.
When my ex-husband was born, Ed was in his late 40's. He and my mother-in-law had married later in life, each with two children of their own, and decided to have a child together. What they got was triplets, one of them being my ex-husband. Unfortunately, he had smoked all of his life, and by the time his triplets were in their teens, his health had begun to fail. In the last few months of his life, he lived in an assisted living home after losing most of his lower limbs. His wife no longer felt equipped to care for him and even checked out emotionally. She lived a just few miles away, yet visited less then once a week. It killed me to think of him alone and I tried to visit him at least every other day. I knew my time with him was short. I tried to make his last few days as comfortable as possible, and I would bring him whatever he wanted, trying to repay him for the love and kindness he had always shown me, even when it was against his wife's wishes.
Ed passed away in September of 1995, at 73 years old. He was the proud father of seven children and at that time, grandfather to eleven. My oldest daughter was four years old and my youngest daughter was not yet a year old when he passed away. Sadly she never really knew her grandpa Ed. He was always so proud of being the child of immigrants and being able to fight for his country, and of raising and providing for his family.
If I had five more minutes with him, I would look him in the eye and thank him for being the model of fatherhood, marriage, love and fairness that he was to me and countless others. I would ask him to tell me one more story from his days as a Navy corpsman, and I would tell him I love him and miss him dearly.
While I was married to my ex-husband, his mother hated me with a passion. She actively pursued ways to show me how much she despised me, as she did with each person - man or woman - who married one of her children. I was very young and shocked and confused by her unprovoked hatred. I was raised to respect adults, especially my elders, and was just idealistic enough to think I could turn it around, so for the first few years I never fought back. Through it all, there was Ed. He loved her immensely, but knew she was unfair in her treatment of me. He always let me know that he loved me and that I was a valued member of his family. He made dealing with her bearable. We shared the same twisted sense of humor and he knew it. When something happened at a family gathering that he knew I would find equally ridiculous, he would always catch my eye and give me a look that spoke volumes. It was as though only he and I knew how completely stupid a particular comment was. If someone said something that could have a silly double meaning, we agreed on those too, and with a look could have each other in stitches.
When my ex-husband was born, Ed was in his late 40's. He and my mother-in-law had married later in life, each with two children of their own, and decided to have a child together. What they got was triplets, one of them being my ex-husband. Unfortunately, he had smoked all of his life, and by the time his triplets were in their teens, his health had begun to fail. In the last few months of his life, he lived in an assisted living home after losing most of his lower limbs. His wife no longer felt equipped to care for him and even checked out emotionally. She lived a just few miles away, yet visited less then once a week. It killed me to think of him alone and I tried to visit him at least every other day. I knew my time with him was short. I tried to make his last few days as comfortable as possible, and I would bring him whatever he wanted, trying to repay him for the love and kindness he had always shown me, even when it was against his wife's wishes.
Ed passed away in September of 1995, at 73 years old. He was the proud father of seven children and at that time, grandfather to eleven. My oldest daughter was four years old and my youngest daughter was not yet a year old when he passed away. Sadly she never really knew her grandpa Ed. He was always so proud of being the child of immigrants and being able to fight for his country, and of raising and providing for his family.
If I had five more minutes with him, I would look him in the eye and thank him for being the model of fatherhood, marriage, love and fairness that he was to me and countless others. I would ask him to tell me one more story from his days as a Navy corpsman, and I would tell him I love him and miss him dearly.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Words I Wish I Wrote....5.11.06
I'm a dreamer. Not one of those head in the clouds kind of dreamers, but someone who has vivid and lifelike dreams on a nightly basis. Sometimes they're scary and too vivid to shake when I wake up in the morning. Sometimes it takes me half the day to recover from a particularly sad dream and there's a dark cloud over most of my day when that happens. When the dream is really good and makes me happy, sometimes it's hard to wake up and realize that it never really happened.
There are things that I don't have the courage to dream about in real life because they're just too big. Fear keeps me from pursuing them and keeps me in the safety of this cocoon I've wrapped myself in. But sometimes I dream about them at night and for a few hours live the life I've always wanted, even if it's only while I sleep.
This is one of my favorites quotes...mostly because it's about dreaming big. Dreaming confidently. Making those dreams happen. In my dreams last night, all the best ones came true. My most secret and precious dreams were lived out and I got a taste for what life like that might be like. This morning I woke up determined not to be afraid of these dreams. I woke up with conviction to live my dreams out loud. To move confidently in their direction because living them for a only a few hours a night is no longer good enough for me...like Thoreau, I don't want to die having never really lived.
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived...I learned this at least from my experiment...that if one advances confidently in the directions of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
~Henry David Thoreau
There are things that I don't have the courage to dream about in real life because they're just too big. Fear keeps me from pursuing them and keeps me in the safety of this cocoon I've wrapped myself in. But sometimes I dream about them at night and for a few hours live the life I've always wanted, even if it's only while I sleep.
This is one of my favorites quotes...mostly because it's about dreaming big. Dreaming confidently. Making those dreams happen. In my dreams last night, all the best ones came true. My most secret and precious dreams were lived out and I got a taste for what life like that might be like. This morning I woke up determined not to be afraid of these dreams. I woke up with conviction to live my dreams out loud. To move confidently in their direction because living them for a only a few hours a night is no longer good enough for me...like Thoreau, I don't want to die having never really lived.
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived...I learned this at least from my experiment...that if one advances confidently in the directions of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
~Henry David Thoreau
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
My Pride and Joy...
My 15 year old daughter is beautiful. She's also incredibly intelligent. She was in the 'gifted' classes in elementary school, honors programs in Jr. High and made the honor roll all through 8th grade. Then she hit high school - she's now a Freshman - and everything changed. Her grades tanked. To put into perspective how badly her grades tanked, consider this scenario and the extreme parental reaction...
She plays volleyball. Not only on her high school team, but on an off season club team. She's very very good - only 5'5" but she's an outside hitter and although I'm her mother, let me just say...she kicks ass. Her club team won Nationals in their division last year, greatly in part to my daughter's hitting ability. She was chosen again this year for the Nationals team. Her grades, however, sucked. Her father and I decided to not let her go to Nationals (after plenty of warning about the grades). It was the hardest decision I've made as a parent, but her grades really suck that bad right now. I don't know why such an intelligent girl would let something so important slip so far, but she has. I realize it's an age thing. She's 15 - a little bit of this is to be expected, right? But then every once in awhile, I wonder if kids this age just lose knowledge and commen sense on an exponential level. She does have this uncanny knack for song lyrics. It's amazing, actually. She can hear a song just once and sing every single word the very next time she hears it. I've pointed it out to her many times.
This conversation actually took place between us the other day...
(By the way, she is loudly singing a song she is hearing for the second time)
Daughter: That's such waste of memory.
Me: What is?
D: The fact that I can remember song lyrics and nothing else, like what I need for school. I mean, why can't I remember science facts instead of song lyrics?
M: Maybe you put more value on the lyrics (She looks confused). I've seen you look up song lyrics on the internet. Maybe you should look up more important things, like what you study in your science class. (And then sarcastically, I add...) Maybe you should look up Nuclear Fusion.
And in all seriousness, my beautiful and gifted 15 year old daughter turned to me and said...
"Is that a lipgloss?"
She plays volleyball. Not only on her high school team, but on an off season club team. She's very very good - only 5'5" but she's an outside hitter and although I'm her mother, let me just say...she kicks ass. Her club team won Nationals in their division last year, greatly in part to my daughter's hitting ability. She was chosen again this year for the Nationals team. Her grades, however, sucked. Her father and I decided to not let her go to Nationals (after plenty of warning about the grades). It was the hardest decision I've made as a parent, but her grades really suck that bad right now. I don't know why such an intelligent girl would let something so important slip so far, but she has. I realize it's an age thing. She's 15 - a little bit of this is to be expected, right? But then every once in awhile, I wonder if kids this age just lose knowledge and commen sense on an exponential level. She does have this uncanny knack for song lyrics. It's amazing, actually. She can hear a song just once and sing every single word the very next time she hears it. I've pointed it out to her many times.
This conversation actually took place between us the other day...
(By the way, she is loudly singing a song she is hearing for the second time)
Daughter: That's such waste of memory.
Me: What is?
D: The fact that I can remember song lyrics and nothing else, like what I need for school. I mean, why can't I remember science facts instead of song lyrics?
M: Maybe you put more value on the lyrics (She looks confused). I've seen you look up song lyrics on the internet. Maybe you should look up more important things, like what you study in your science class. (And then sarcastically, I add...) Maybe you should look up Nuclear Fusion.
And in all seriousness, my beautiful and gifted 15 year old daughter turned to me and said...
"Is that a lipgloss?"
Monday, May 01, 2006
Monday Memories 05.01.06
Today my daughter asked me about my first date with her father. Although we're divorced, we're good friends and the memory is a great one. When I first met him, I was with my friend Kris who had a pretty strong crush on him. I even tried to set them up, thinking I was doing her a favor. The first time I laid eyes on him, I thought I would never go out with someone who looked like him. You see, back in the day he was an extremely handsome young man. So much so that in our younger years, even other men would come to me and say, "Wow Steph. Your husband is a good looking man!" I assumed that someone who looked as good as he did would be cocky and shallow. I can see so clearly how he looked back then.
I was supposed to have a date with his twin brother (actually, his triplet brother - they also have a triplet sister). But when his brother came to see me in San Diego (where I was in college at the time), he brought him with him and as they say...the rest is history. His brother didn't care that we hit it off so well, in fact he was engaged to someone else and had plans to cheat on her by coming to see me. Obviously I had no guilt about liking his brother. My friend Kris knew we had a strong connection and encouraged me to go out with him - she was later a bridesmaid in our wedding. :)
I remember him walking into the room on that night, and as soon as we saw each other, we were inseparable. He asked me out for later in the week and he again came to San Diego. I had a convertible and offered to drive. I wanted to show him the best of San Diego and took him to La Jolla with the top down. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch - this was 1989, so that was still a novelty. Since I drove, he had just taken some money out of his wallet and gotten in my car, leaving his wallet in his truck. During lunch I learned that the person I assumed was stuck up was actually so down to earth. He told me about his family with seven kids (!), and his bond with them was touching. He was the exact opposite of what I expected just by looking at him. At the end of lunch, it turned out that he hadn't taken enough money out of his wallet to pay for lunch. He had to admit that he didn't have enough money (and had also left his credit cards in his wallet back at my house) so I left him at the restaurant while I ran around La Jolla looking for an ATM so we could pay for lunch. How embarrassing that must have been for him! But he handled it with class and humor. We then went to another restaurant/bar where we had some margaritas and then I took him to the cliffs in Solana Beach - the best place in San Diego County to watch the sunset. After that we were inseparable. He lived in Orange County, where we both grew up, so he was an hour away, but every night from then on he drove to San Diego after work. We were married a year and a half later.
Even though we're divorced now, for a variety of reasons, we both look back on those days with fondness. We were very young - only 22 - and stupid. We had no idea what it took to have a successful marriage. Neither one of us had seen a good model of marriage growing up. But mostly we look back in fondness because we know we were madly in love. Yes, we know the beauty that came from our marriage - I'm convinced that we never regret that which leads to the birth of our children - but it was more than that. It was young love and idealism at it's finest.
We've grown up so much since then. We've been apart for almost ten years, he's married to someone else (who is exponentially a better fit for him than I ever was), and we still maintain love and respect for each other that allows us nothing but sweet memories.
I was supposed to have a date with his twin brother (actually, his triplet brother - they also have a triplet sister). But when his brother came to see me in San Diego (where I was in college at the time), he brought him with him and as they say...the rest is history. His brother didn't care that we hit it off so well, in fact he was engaged to someone else and had plans to cheat on her by coming to see me. Obviously I had no guilt about liking his brother. My friend Kris knew we had a strong connection and encouraged me to go out with him - she was later a bridesmaid in our wedding. :)
I remember him walking into the room on that night, and as soon as we saw each other, we were inseparable. He asked me out for later in the week and he again came to San Diego. I had a convertible and offered to drive. I wanted to show him the best of San Diego and took him to La Jolla with the top down. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe for lunch - this was 1989, so that was still a novelty. Since I drove, he had just taken some money out of his wallet and gotten in my car, leaving his wallet in his truck. During lunch I learned that the person I assumed was stuck up was actually so down to earth. He told me about his family with seven kids (!), and his bond with them was touching. He was the exact opposite of what I expected just by looking at him. At the end of lunch, it turned out that he hadn't taken enough money out of his wallet to pay for lunch. He had to admit that he didn't have enough money (and had also left his credit cards in his wallet back at my house) so I left him at the restaurant while I ran around La Jolla looking for an ATM so we could pay for lunch. How embarrassing that must have been for him! But he handled it with class and humor. We then went to another restaurant/bar where we had some margaritas and then I took him to the cliffs in Solana Beach - the best place in San Diego County to watch the sunset. After that we were inseparable. He lived in Orange County, where we both grew up, so he was an hour away, but every night from then on he drove to San Diego after work. We were married a year and a half later.
Even though we're divorced now, for a variety of reasons, we both look back on those days with fondness. We were very young - only 22 - and stupid. We had no idea what it took to have a successful marriage. Neither one of us had seen a good model of marriage growing up. But mostly we look back in fondness because we know we were madly in love. Yes, we know the beauty that came from our marriage - I'm convinced that we never regret that which leads to the birth of our children - but it was more than that. It was young love and idealism at it's finest.
We've grown up so much since then. We've been apart for almost ten years, he's married to someone else (who is exponentially a better fit for him than I ever was), and we still maintain love and respect for each other that allows us nothing but sweet memories.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Words I Wish I Wrote...
Many years ago I bought a book called Words I Wish I Wrote by Robert Fulgham. You might know him from his "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" essay. The book was filled with quotes, song lyrics, even Scriptures that particularly moved him. I fell in love with the idea and several years ago started my own. One of my favorites is the quote at the top of my blog.
My friend John particularly appreciated mine, so one year for his birthday I got him started on his own copy, leaving all but a couple of the pages blank, ready to be filled with his own version of words he wished he wrote (and by the way, if you would like to be lifted up, read his incredible post called "The Night Is Young And So Is She").
I am so blessed by the wisdom and humor of others and I decided to share a little of it on my blog. So here's the first installment of Words I Wish I Wrote, by Steph....
I love this quote, because it really reminds me of myself!
"I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries"
~Theodore Isaac Rubin
My friend John particularly appreciated mine, so one year for his birthday I got him started on his own copy, leaving all but a couple of the pages blank, ready to be filled with his own version of words he wished he wrote (and by the way, if you would like to be lifted up, read his incredible post called "The Night Is Young And So Is She").
I am so blessed by the wisdom and humor of others and I decided to share a little of it on my blog. So here's the first installment of Words I Wish I Wrote, by Steph....
I love this quote, because it really reminds me of myself!
"I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries"
~Theodore Isaac Rubin
Monday, April 24, 2006
I suck.
You know how on my kids birthdays every year I wake them up at the exact time they were born and tell them the story of how the day started, the trip to the hospital, who was there, how excited we were, all that stuff? Yeah, well apparently I've been getting my younger daughter's time wrong for 11 years now. Ironically, it's my older daughter that could really give a rip about it, but the little one loves it. It's so important to her that on her birthday this year she asked me over and over, "Does daddy know what time I was born?" And she had tears in her eyes, anticipating the answer to be no. I said, "Of course he does - 7:23 AM - he was there too, and he would never forget such an incredible moment!" Then I went and hid somewhere while I called my ex-husband and told him exactly what time to call her in the morning, because of course he had no clue.
So this morning, we're driving in the car and she takes a copy of her birth certificate out of my purse to look at it. I'm carrying it around because I need to turn it in to her soccer club this afternoon. She looked at it and made a joke like, "Oh good. I was born." I glanced over at the birth certificate and in the upper right hand corner is the time she was born. 8:05 AM. Nice. So of course, I distracted her by pointing to her dad's signature and took it out of her hands, saying something like, "What?! I gave birth to you and they didn't even let me sign your birth certificate?!" And with that I folded it up, put it back in my purse and moved on, essentially delaying the moment when she discovers that our 7:23 AM birthday memories have all been a sham! Parenting at it's best.
So this morning, we're driving in the car and she takes a copy of her birth certificate out of my purse to look at it. I'm carrying it around because I need to turn it in to her soccer club this afternoon. She looked at it and made a joke like, "Oh good. I was born." I glanced over at the birth certificate and in the upper right hand corner is the time she was born. 8:05 AM. Nice. So of course, I distracted her by pointing to her dad's signature and took it out of her hands, saying something like, "What?! I gave birth to you and they didn't even let me sign your birth certificate?!" And with that I folded it up, put it back in my purse and moved on, essentially delaying the moment when she discovers that our 7:23 AM birthday memories have all been a sham! Parenting at it's best.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
If you don't hear from me in a week...
...check the back of your milk carton.
I've had a completely surreal experience that I'm still sort of reeling from. I had a date - two dates to be exact. That's not the surreal part. It's the aftermath. I went out with someone last week and again over the weekend. I wasn't really crazy about him, although his first impression last week was pretty good. I spoke to him about 5 or 6 times before we went out. Unfortunately, before our first date, I had also made plans with him for Saturday night - trust me, I know that was my biggest mistake. By Saturday, I knew I had no interest in dating him again. Apparently he had other ideas. After the first date he sent me a poem. I'm not really into people I don't know writing me creepy, stalker-like poems. After the second date, he wrote me another one - this one about the "Embodiment of a Woman" in which he said was describing me. It was just really creepy. The same day, he sent me our "Zodiac Compatibility." He continued to creep me out. Really bad.
He was what my friends and I refer to as a "man-bitch" - although he's male, he turned out to be effeminate and catty, not to mention he walked like a girl. I decided not to see him again. That's when the creepy voicemails, IM's, and e-mails began - all culminating in the following e-mail. I'm amazed and disturbed by the amount of time and effort put into insulting me by someone who barely knows me. Prior to this I had asked him not to contact me any more, because I had at least ten voicemails, e-mails, instant messages, etc. that were all psychotic, just in 24 hours. As you read this, keep in mind...TWO DATES!!! (Trust me, the e-mail is way too long to be rational, so if you can't hang for the whole thing...I totally understand!)...
P.S. He says he's currently writing the 7th chapter of his book on relationships. God help us all if it ever gets published.
(By the way, someone anonymously asked in my comments what happened on Saturday that turned things bad and what his e-mail comments were which he refers to. The e-mails were the ones I mentioned about the poem and the zodiac compatibility, I received both of those on Sunday. I didn't acknowledge them because if I had, it would have been to say that writing a poem filled with the things that this one said, AND writing a page on the zodiac compatibility of two people who barely know each other is beyond creepy (Oh, I almost forgot - the poem even mentioned the brand of lingerie he fantasized me wearing). Sure fire way to make someone think you're a stalker.
Saturday night, he came to pick me up to watch the UFC fights at my friend's house. When he entered my house (a half an hour late), he walked past me into the living room, dining room, and then into the kitchen, basically giving himself his own little tour of my house, and proceeded to critique the entire thing - furniture, pictures, the layout, etc. He knows the previous owner built the cabinets and countertops and he actually tried to shake them to see if they were sturdy and then he said what he thought they did wrong with them. Meanwhile, I'm still standing in the foyer in shock. I already thought he was cocky by nature, but that clinched it. He asked me what was wrong and I told him the truth - that walking in my house without being invited and critiquing it the way he did was really cocky. So...anonymous commenter...there you go)
Here's the e-mail in it's entirety...
"As in life, we rarely get what we want but often get what we deserve....which is why you are receiving this email from me now. I woke this morning totally pissed that I actually spent time trying to get you to "reconsider". My fear all day was that you would actually email me telling me you would like to talk. I sit here very relieved at the fact that I am not investing any more time into someone who frankly isn't nearly as "enlightened" and perfect as she thinks. In fact, whatever demons you are dealing with that cause you to be so "guarded" and quick to pass judgment are still clearly a part of your life. What I won't EVER do is spend time with a hypocrite. Nothing is more frustrating than dealing with someone who is reads SO MUCH into the actions of others but fails to hold herself to the same "standard". Because of your obvious HYPER-SENSITIVITY, you totally TOTALLY MIS-READ my actions on Saturday night....THEN allowed your mis-interpretation to impact (negatively) our time together. THEN, instead of sharing, I had to pull it out of you. THEN you just level me with a comment that totally doesn't apply. Instead of reacting in the manner which you have over these past 24 hours, I took the more mature and patient route with you than you ever extended to me at any point over the last 24 hours. Totally pathetic and immature.....especially for someone who claims to have her act "together".
The fact you didn't even comment on my emails on Sunday afternoon was rude and insensitive. Again....2 things you CLAIMED you weren't but your actions showed differently.
The fact you feel I made myself appear "pretty healthy" is true. It's because I am Stephanie. I am the kind of man who judges people (and sets expectations) based on their past behavior. Past interaction and behavior is the best indicator or future behavior. When I talk to you each night for 3 weeks in a row.....when you NEVER let my calls go to voicemail (maybe 2-3 times)...then suddenly, within a day of inappropriately being told I was "cocky", I start to receive this sort of attitude from you (who shows NO responsibility or apologies for your rude comments about me on Sat). You also showed NO appreciation for the emails that I sent on Sunday...which just added more fuel to this fire. What just blew me away even more was the fact you IGNORED my requets on Sunday to talk (instead you kept on IM). THEN you took a "bath"....making me wait another 45 mins!!!!! How f-n rude can you be in one day? I don't care if I know someone 1 hour or 10 years.....I NEVER make them wait (or ignore them) the way you did me (a man who was simply trying to make up for the night before and keep your attention). My intentions and interest (AT THE TIME) were genuine and sincere. I assure you....fyour ability to turn someone so cold to you so quickly is unparalleled.
I am not sure if it is a defensive mechanism in you...or if you really believe it...but this whole attitude you project is so inaccurate and unfair to anyone who is fooled by it as I was. I am sure you believe you are a good person....and I still believe that myself. It's just you have a very selfish streak to you that blows me away. It reveals itself in so many of our discussions and areas in your life....and is the biggest aspect of your personality that I knew I would have a hard time dealing with. You are very much a "me" oriented person....and frankly the list of "Mr. Wrongs" you are going to date moviing forward seems very long. Any quality man would appreciate the numerous qualities you have to offer him...however his patience with a dominant selfish aspect of your personality will send him running.
Your limited perspective has resulted in a much needed and appreciated push. I actually feel good about the fact you and I didn't have the chance to spend more time together.....because you would then have to deal with knowing just how big of a loss this is for you. Right now....it's easier for you to simply believe I am some jerk.....but I am comforted KNOWING that you just lost an incredible opportunity to have something that only comes by once in a lifetime (at this "level"). I am sure you will find "some guy"...who will treat you just well enough to keep you. Then you both can hang out and watch the fights with the kind of people who talk and act the way your "friends" did on Saturday. While they are nice....they are NOT the kind of people who I would ever allow my kids around or be around myself too often. Those sort of people are a everywhere. Well-intentioned, ignorant simple people who bring no real VALUE (other than a moderate "entertainment" factor") into the lives of those who call them friends. Don't get me wrong...they are very nice...and can be funny. But the exposure to that sort of behavior and conversation is just not healthy. I want more for myself and my family. I expect more of myself (and whomever is in my life). If that means staying home and watching a movie alone versus going out and associating with people who have so little respect for themselves and each other (including their own kid) then I will stay home.
I tried to think about "why" we met...and I realize it was so that I would have this opportunity to make certain you had someone tell you this. You are an incredible woman with many great qualities to you. I know. However....how YOU responded to me and my actions these past 2 days is so clearly a reflection of how you handle things in life. This was a very ridiculous and small issue that should never have had a life of more than 5 mins on a phone call between us. Yet, your continued reaction to my WRITTEN WORD (instead of spoken word) is what put us here.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.....IM IS A BAD THING BECAUSE OF HOW THINGS ARE INTEREPRETTED. YET YOU CONTINUED TO DEFER TO EMAIL INSTEAD OF TALKING....AND AS A RESULT, YOU READ INTO MY COMMENTS THINGS THAT WERE NOT INTENDED. I have a writing style....that you obviously don't understand or cannot read without seeing things as "passive aggressive". I assure you had you just called....ONCE....this NEVER would have happened. So YES...I AM putting the majority of this on your shoulders....because you have been doing it to me for 2.5 days now and it isn't fair or accurate.
How self-absorbed of you. Good luck....you are going to need it.
Sorry you don't feel like "re-hashing" this. I could see why not. I mean...to expose yourself to being shown just how big of a role you played in this would be daunting.
I am so totally disgusted by your actions and immaturity. ANYONE who was sincere and mature would have called to talk. Instead...you chose the cowardly way of email to communicate....and because of it, things were said and mis-interpreted on your part that should not have been.
Hey...you always have the guy across the hall from you. I am sure he is up to getting back with you. In fact....aren't ALL the guys you dated wanting to get back with you? Rest assured.....your streak of men regretting ever losing you in a relationship has ended with me. You will NOT be someone I ever look back on and think "gee, maybe I should have done more" or "boy did I screw up".
See you around during footballl season!!! "
I've had a completely surreal experience that I'm still sort of reeling from. I had a date - two dates to be exact. That's not the surreal part. It's the aftermath. I went out with someone last week and again over the weekend. I wasn't really crazy about him, although his first impression last week was pretty good. I spoke to him about 5 or 6 times before we went out. Unfortunately, before our first date, I had also made plans with him for Saturday night - trust me, I know that was my biggest mistake. By Saturday, I knew I had no interest in dating him again. Apparently he had other ideas. After the first date he sent me a poem. I'm not really into people I don't know writing me creepy, stalker-like poems. After the second date, he wrote me another one - this one about the "Embodiment of a Woman" in which he said was describing me. It was just really creepy. The same day, he sent me our "Zodiac Compatibility." He continued to creep me out. Really bad.
He was what my friends and I refer to as a "man-bitch" - although he's male, he turned out to be effeminate and catty, not to mention he walked like a girl. I decided not to see him again. That's when the creepy voicemails, IM's, and e-mails began - all culminating in the following e-mail. I'm amazed and disturbed by the amount of time and effort put into insulting me by someone who barely knows me. Prior to this I had asked him not to contact me any more, because I had at least ten voicemails, e-mails, instant messages, etc. that were all psychotic, just in 24 hours. As you read this, keep in mind...TWO DATES!!! (Trust me, the e-mail is way too long to be rational, so if you can't hang for the whole thing...I totally understand!)...
P.S. He says he's currently writing the 7th chapter of his book on relationships. God help us all if it ever gets published.
(By the way, someone anonymously asked in my comments what happened on Saturday that turned things bad and what his e-mail comments were which he refers to. The e-mails were the ones I mentioned about the poem and the zodiac compatibility, I received both of those on Sunday. I didn't acknowledge them because if I had, it would have been to say that writing a poem filled with the things that this one said, AND writing a page on the zodiac compatibility of two people who barely know each other is beyond creepy (Oh, I almost forgot - the poem even mentioned the brand of lingerie he fantasized me wearing). Sure fire way to make someone think you're a stalker.
Saturday night, he came to pick me up to watch the UFC fights at my friend's house. When he entered my house (a half an hour late), he walked past me into the living room, dining room, and then into the kitchen, basically giving himself his own little tour of my house, and proceeded to critique the entire thing - furniture, pictures, the layout, etc. He knows the previous owner built the cabinets and countertops and he actually tried to shake them to see if they were sturdy and then he said what he thought they did wrong with them. Meanwhile, I'm still standing in the foyer in shock. I already thought he was cocky by nature, but that clinched it. He asked me what was wrong and I told him the truth - that walking in my house without being invited and critiquing it the way he did was really cocky. So...anonymous commenter...there you go)
Here's the e-mail in it's entirety...
"As in life, we rarely get what we want but often get what we deserve....which is why you are receiving this email from me now. I woke this morning totally pissed that I actually spent time trying to get you to "reconsider". My fear all day was that you would actually email me telling me you would like to talk. I sit here very relieved at the fact that I am not investing any more time into someone who frankly isn't nearly as "enlightened" and perfect as she thinks. In fact, whatever demons you are dealing with that cause you to be so "guarded" and quick to pass judgment are still clearly a part of your life. What I won't EVER do is spend time with a hypocrite. Nothing is more frustrating than dealing with someone who is reads SO MUCH into the actions of others but fails to hold herself to the same "standard". Because of your obvious HYPER-SENSITIVITY, you totally TOTALLY MIS-READ my actions on Saturday night....THEN allowed your mis-interpretation to impact (negatively) our time together. THEN, instead of sharing, I had to pull it out of you. THEN you just level me with a comment that totally doesn't apply. Instead of reacting in the manner which you have over these past 24 hours, I took the more mature and patient route with you than you ever extended to me at any point over the last 24 hours. Totally pathetic and immature.....especially for someone who claims to have her act "together".
The fact you didn't even comment on my emails on Sunday afternoon was rude and insensitive. Again....2 things you CLAIMED you weren't but your actions showed differently.
The fact you feel I made myself appear "pretty healthy" is true. It's because I am Stephanie. I am the kind of man who judges people (and sets expectations) based on their past behavior. Past interaction and behavior is the best indicator or future behavior. When I talk to you each night for 3 weeks in a row.....when you NEVER let my calls go to voicemail (maybe 2-3 times)...then suddenly, within a day of inappropriately being told I was "cocky", I start to receive this sort of attitude from you (who shows NO responsibility or apologies for your rude comments about me on Sat). You also showed NO appreciation for the emails that I sent on Sunday...which just added more fuel to this fire. What just blew me away even more was the fact you IGNORED my requets on Sunday to talk (instead you kept on IM). THEN you took a "bath"....making me wait another 45 mins!!!!! How f-n rude can you be in one day? I don't care if I know someone 1 hour or 10 years.....I NEVER make them wait (or ignore them) the way you did me (a man who was simply trying to make up for the night before and keep your attention). My intentions and interest (AT THE TIME) were genuine and sincere. I assure you....fyour ability to turn someone so cold to you so quickly is unparalleled.
I am not sure if it is a defensive mechanism in you...or if you really believe it...but this whole attitude you project is so inaccurate and unfair to anyone who is fooled by it as I was. I am sure you believe you are a good person....and I still believe that myself. It's just you have a very selfish streak to you that blows me away. It reveals itself in so many of our discussions and areas in your life....and is the biggest aspect of your personality that I knew I would have a hard time dealing with. You are very much a "me" oriented person....and frankly the list of "Mr. Wrongs" you are going to date moviing forward seems very long. Any quality man would appreciate the numerous qualities you have to offer him...however his patience with a dominant selfish aspect of your personality will send him running.
Your limited perspective has resulted in a much needed and appreciated push. I actually feel good about the fact you and I didn't have the chance to spend more time together.....because you would then have to deal with knowing just how big of a loss this is for you. Right now....it's easier for you to simply believe I am some jerk.....but I am comforted KNOWING that you just lost an incredible opportunity to have something that only comes by once in a lifetime (at this "level"). I am sure you will find "some guy"...who will treat you just well enough to keep you. Then you both can hang out and watch the fights with the kind of people who talk and act the way your "friends" did on Saturday. While they are nice....they are NOT the kind of people who I would ever allow my kids around or be around myself too often. Those sort of people are a everywhere. Well-intentioned, ignorant simple people who bring no real VALUE (other than a moderate "entertainment" factor") into the lives of those who call them friends. Don't get me wrong...they are very nice...and can be funny. But the exposure to that sort of behavior and conversation is just not healthy. I want more for myself and my family. I expect more of myself (and whomever is in my life). If that means staying home and watching a movie alone versus going out and associating with people who have so little respect for themselves and each other (including their own kid) then I will stay home.
I tried to think about "why" we met...and I realize it was so that I would have this opportunity to make certain you had someone tell you this. You are an incredible woman with many great qualities to you. I know. However....how YOU responded to me and my actions these past 2 days is so clearly a reflection of how you handle things in life. This was a very ridiculous and small issue that should never have had a life of more than 5 mins on a phone call between us. Yet, your continued reaction to my WRITTEN WORD (instead of spoken word) is what put us here.
YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.....IM IS A BAD THING BECAUSE OF HOW THINGS ARE INTEREPRETTED. YET YOU CONTINUED TO DEFER TO EMAIL INSTEAD OF TALKING....AND AS A RESULT, YOU READ INTO MY COMMENTS THINGS THAT WERE NOT INTENDED. I have a writing style....that you obviously don't understand or cannot read without seeing things as "passive aggressive". I assure you had you just called....ONCE....this NEVER would have happened. So YES...I AM putting the majority of this on your shoulders....because you have been doing it to me for 2.5 days now and it isn't fair or accurate.
How self-absorbed of you. Good luck....you are going to need it.
Sorry you don't feel like "re-hashing" this. I could see why not. I mean...to expose yourself to being shown just how big of a role you played in this would be daunting.
I am so totally disgusted by your actions and immaturity. ANYONE who was sincere and mature would have called to talk. Instead...you chose the cowardly way of email to communicate....and because of it, things were said and mis-interpreted on your part that should not have been.
Hey...you always have the guy across the hall from you. I am sure he is up to getting back with you. In fact....aren't ALL the guys you dated wanting to get back with you? Rest assured.....your streak of men regretting ever losing you in a relationship has ended with me. You will NOT be someone I ever look back on and think "gee, maybe I should have done more" or "boy did I screw up".
See you around during footballl season!!! "
Monday, April 17, 2006
Easter Love...
My daughters were gone for Easter yesterday. The older one was in Palm Springs with her best friend and the little one spent the weekend at her dad's house. So it was just me and I missed them so much! I went to my friend Michelle's house for brunch, which ended up lasting longer than any brunch I've ever been to, but we had a great day! Then I went to church with my mom and made her dinner.
Being a single woman amongst a world full of married friends is interesting. There's always some time during every holiday where my girls are at their dad's, so my closest friends get on this little network where they feel like they have to make sure I have plans. It makes me feel slightly pathetic but I absolutely love them for it! I can hear the conversation now...one calls up another and says, "Hey, take Steph for Easter this year, I took her for Christmas." I know they really want me there and always try to talk me into staying longer. I love them so much for caring about my holidays, and sharing theirs with me.
While I was finishing up brunch, I checked my cell phone and saw that each of my daughters had texted me. Yup, me...the non texter - who just about broke down when I saw the text messages from my lovely little girls on Easter. My older daughter is now 15 (yes, her birthday came and went about two weeks ago and I'm officially old!) and she is my sweetie, but definitely as self-centered as a 15 year old girl can be right now. But she took the time out of her day to send me and her sister a text. This is what it said..."Happy Easter!! Love you guys!! I'll call you later :)" And just when I start feeling all warm and fuzzy, I read on..."Oh and mom can i possibly go to the movies tom night? we're coming home tom morning. <3" Yup - that's my girl! And her sister responded with..."Hi! Happy Easter! I love u!"
I can't tell you how incredibly happy it made me to know that both of my daughters thought of me and each other on a holiday apart. There are so many female hormones flying around my house with the three of us, a female dog and a female cat, that you'd think we would all pull each other's hair out (yeah, we've come close), but what a lucky mom I am that there's also so much love.
Being a single woman amongst a world full of married friends is interesting. There's always some time during every holiday where my girls are at their dad's, so my closest friends get on this little network where they feel like they have to make sure I have plans. It makes me feel slightly pathetic but I absolutely love them for it! I can hear the conversation now...one calls up another and says, "Hey, take Steph for Easter this year, I took her for Christmas." I know they really want me there and always try to talk me into staying longer. I love them so much for caring about my holidays, and sharing theirs with me.
While I was finishing up brunch, I checked my cell phone and saw that each of my daughters had texted me. Yup, me...the non texter - who just about broke down when I saw the text messages from my lovely little girls on Easter. My older daughter is now 15 (yes, her birthday came and went about two weeks ago and I'm officially old!) and she is my sweetie, but definitely as self-centered as a 15 year old girl can be right now. But she took the time out of her day to send me and her sister a text. This is what it said..."Happy Easter!! Love you guys!! I'll call you later :)" And just when I start feeling all warm and fuzzy, I read on..."Oh and mom can i possibly go to the movies tom night? we're coming home tom morning. <3" Yup - that's my girl! And her sister responded with..."Hi! Happy Easter! I love u!"
I can't tell you how incredibly happy it made me to know that both of my daughters thought of me and each other on a holiday apart. There are so many female hormones flying around my house with the three of us, a female dog and a female cat, that you'd think we would all pull each other's hair out (yeah, we've come close), but what a lucky mom I am that there's also so much love.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
"Another One Bites the Dust...Hey! Hey!"
I just saw Queen on Monday night! Yes!!! I know this dates me! I don't even care - it was one of the greatest concerts ever! "How does Queen manage to put on a concert without Freddy Mercury?" you may be wondering. By getting Paul Rogers - formerly of Bad Company - to fill in. He was awesome!! It was a combination of Queen songs and Bad Company, and a total flashback night for me. And by the way, I'm pretty sure Paul Rogers wants to marry me. Yeah, so he's short and old - so am I!
I went with my friend Chera, who is a great time even on a slow night! We had a BLAST!! We even bought cheesy tie-dyed T-Shirts in the parking lot with old pictures of Freddy Mercury on them (which we know we'll never wear, but that's okay!). We sang at the top of our lungs and drunk-dialed all of our Queen-fan friends during their favorite songs!
On the way to the concert, my friend Kirk called and stayed on the phone with us for awhile while we were on our way. Even the ride up was a blast. Before he hung up, he said that if we drank too much and couldn't drive home, to call him and he would come pick us up, which was a totally sweet offer. Then he told us to call him during "Another One Bites the Dust" his favorite Queen song. He hung up saying, "Remember...call me if you need anything!" So when they played that song toward the end of the concert, we called him up so he could hear it and then I said, "Hey Kirk! You know how you said to call you if we needed anything. Well, we REALLY need another beer, but we don't want to miss this song. Could you work that out for us, sweetie? Thanks!"
In the spirit of Paul Rogers wanting to marry me, I've created a little short film depicting our first encounter. The part I'm most stoked about is that I found an actress who looks exactly like me. Check it out...
A Match Made in Heaven
Monday, April 03, 2006
"I See Stupid People..."
On a Saturday before Christmas, my two daughters and I went shopping at Costco. I'm not sure if Costco is a nationwide chain, so if you don't know what it is, think mega-warehouse where they sell everything in bulk, for a lot cheaper than the grocery store, sporting goods store, hardware store...you name it.
When we pulled into a parking space, I turned off my car, turned to my girls and said, "Get ready. We're about to enter Costco on a Saturday before Christmas. Every stupid person in Southern California is within those four walls this very minute. Don't be scared. Don't be frustrated. Just be ready." In an attempt to preserve our sanity, we decided to make a game of it and count stupid people. Whenever we walked by someone blocking an entire aisle with their oversized cart just waiting to get a sliver of a Bagel Bite sample, we would yell over our shoulder, "NUMBER 1!!" If an entire family of stupid people rammed their cart into us and then just stood there blocking our way for longer than two minutes, we would yell, "NUMBERS 3 through 6!!" Eventually, my girls ditched me to look at DVDs. A few minutes later, I heard a voice from the opposite end of an aisle yell, "NUMBER 7!!!," and I turned to see my oldest daughter trapped between a shopping cart and a wall of hair products, while she was trying to get to me. The shopping cart was actually pressed right up against her stomach pinning her in place, and the person behind it wasn't moving!
Later, when my younger daughter was pushing the cart she said, "I just found Number 12, and Boo (her sister) is in serious danger of becoming Number 13." Now when we're in any crowded place, we know we'll automatically play the stupid person game. We walk through the gates of Disneyland, or anywhere else there are big crowds, and almost immediately get started with, "NUMBER 1!! And NUMBER 2 for the idiot who just sneezed into the back of my head!"
Not long after that day at Costco, I was walking into my living room where my daughters were sitting and I tripped, barely catching myself from falling. Without even looking up, my oldest daughter quietly said, "Number 17." :)
When we pulled into a parking space, I turned off my car, turned to my girls and said, "Get ready. We're about to enter Costco on a Saturday before Christmas. Every stupid person in Southern California is within those four walls this very minute. Don't be scared. Don't be frustrated. Just be ready." In an attempt to preserve our sanity, we decided to make a game of it and count stupid people. Whenever we walked by someone blocking an entire aisle with their oversized cart just waiting to get a sliver of a Bagel Bite sample, we would yell over our shoulder, "NUMBER 1!!" If an entire family of stupid people rammed their cart into us and then just stood there blocking our way for longer than two minutes, we would yell, "NUMBERS 3 through 6!!" Eventually, my girls ditched me to look at DVDs. A few minutes later, I heard a voice from the opposite end of an aisle yell, "NUMBER 7!!!," and I turned to see my oldest daughter trapped between a shopping cart and a wall of hair products, while she was trying to get to me. The shopping cart was actually pressed right up against her stomach pinning her in place, and the person behind it wasn't moving!
Later, when my younger daughter was pushing the cart she said, "I just found Number 12, and Boo (her sister) is in serious danger of becoming Number 13." Now when we're in any crowded place, we know we'll automatically play the stupid person game. We walk through the gates of Disneyland, or anywhere else there are big crowds, and almost immediately get started with, "NUMBER 1!! And NUMBER 2 for the idiot who just sneezed into the back of my head!"
Not long after that day at Costco, I was walking into my living room where my daughters were sitting and I tripped, barely catching myself from falling. Without even looking up, my oldest daughter quietly said, "Number 17." :)
Monday, March 27, 2006
Monday Memories 3.28.06
When I was 14 and a freshman in high school, I went to the movies one night with my girlfriends. While I was there I met a junior from another high school named Jeff Burgess (yeah, I'm naming names. In case anyone knows him, feel free to kick his ass). It was 'love at first sight!' He was older, sooo good looking, charming, and seemed to like me. You have to understand that I was very much the ugly duckling when I was younger. I was not a pretty girl in high school. I never got asked out on dates or to dances, and I was very insecure and shy. I know, I know...Those of you who know me personally are thinking there's no way I was ever shy. But I was. Painfully shy and insecure.
Anyway, I gave Jeff my phone number and following that night we started talking on the phone every night. I really liked him and he seemed to like me too. It was the end of May and he asked me to his high school's prom. For a little ugly duckling like me, this was a dream come true! I was one of those girls who had every issue of Teen magazine and tried to copy the hairstyles and make-up tips. I so badly wanted to be liked, and now I thought I was, and by a junior!! I was in heaven! Jeff called to say that he talked his mom into getting us a limo and he made reservations at a nice restaurant. I told all of my friends (most of whom had already met him the same night at the movies), and they could not believe my good luck to be asked to the prom by this boy! My mom took me shopping for a dress, shoes, and all the accessories and I could not wait! The night of the prom, it must have taken me five hours to get ready, three of those spent on my hair. And then I waited for Jeff to pick me up.
And waited.
And waited.
I could tell by the look on my mom's face that she had already realized what I was not yet willing to accept. I had been stood up for a prom. He never even called.
I finally gave up, took off my dress and put my robe on, trying to be brave about it and not cry. My sister and I both worked at the nearby movie theater at the time and my sister was working that night. My mom called my sister Jennifer at work without me knowing it and my sister sent one of her friends from work to pick me up and bring me to the movies and hang out with her while she was working. When I got there, she was behind the concession stand selling popcorn and she handed me something over the counter. It was a box from Hubbub (a very cool store in the mall) and inside was a little purple top - just a little present to cheer me up. She was only 15 years old, yet so sweet and sensitive to her little sister's feelings. Love between sisters is stronger than anything else on earth and my sister embodies that.
Good looking junior or not, Jeff Burgess turned out to be a major loser. Something really random must have triggered this memory for me, because I haven't thought of it in at least a decade. But my sister, now that's another story. She took what could have been a humiliating and devastating situation and made me feel loved and secure. She still does to this day.
Anyway, I gave Jeff my phone number and following that night we started talking on the phone every night. I really liked him and he seemed to like me too. It was the end of May and he asked me to his high school's prom. For a little ugly duckling like me, this was a dream come true! I was one of those girls who had every issue of Teen magazine and tried to copy the hairstyles and make-up tips. I so badly wanted to be liked, and now I thought I was, and by a junior!! I was in heaven! Jeff called to say that he talked his mom into getting us a limo and he made reservations at a nice restaurant. I told all of my friends (most of whom had already met him the same night at the movies), and they could not believe my good luck to be asked to the prom by this boy! My mom took me shopping for a dress, shoes, and all the accessories and I could not wait! The night of the prom, it must have taken me five hours to get ready, three of those spent on my hair. And then I waited for Jeff to pick me up.
And waited.
And waited.
I could tell by the look on my mom's face that she had already realized what I was not yet willing to accept. I had been stood up for a prom. He never even called.
I finally gave up, took off my dress and put my robe on, trying to be brave about it and not cry. My sister and I both worked at the nearby movie theater at the time and my sister was working that night. My mom called my sister Jennifer at work without me knowing it and my sister sent one of her friends from work to pick me up and bring me to the movies and hang out with her while she was working. When I got there, she was behind the concession stand selling popcorn and she handed me something over the counter. It was a box from Hubbub (a very cool store in the mall) and inside was a little purple top - just a little present to cheer me up. She was only 15 years old, yet so sweet and sensitive to her little sister's feelings. Love between sisters is stronger than anything else on earth and my sister embodies that.
Good looking junior or not, Jeff Burgess turned out to be a major loser. Something really random must have triggered this memory for me, because I haven't thought of it in at least a decade. But my sister, now that's another story. She took what could have been a humiliating and devastating situation and made me feel loved and secure. She still does to this day.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Text Messages From Hell...
I am not a texter. Never have been. Don't think I ever will be. Not even if I had one of those cool phones with a keyboard built in like my daughters. I don't mind receiving text messages. In fact, most of the time the funny ones make me laugh. But don't expect me to return it. I might even forward the occasional funny text. Recently my friend received a text that said, "Hey, the Irvine police just found a naked body with bad teeth and a really small penis. Just making sure you're okay. Call me." Now that's funny. I forwarded that one to several of my male friends. (By the way, John, that was a particularly funny text about Mary Tyler Moore this morning! :)
When my friends text me a funny story or my daughters text me to say they'll be home at 5 PM, okay. But don't text me and say, "Whatcha doing?" No. I'm not answering. You've already dialed my number, just hit SEND!!! Call me and have a conversation, damn it!
So what is prompting this tirade on texting? There's this young man named Mike. I met Mike through a mutual friend and we've all had drinks together several times. Mike's a very nice guy who unfortunately took quite a liking to me in spite of the fact that I'm 10 years older than him. 10 YEARS! It's not gonna happen! But Mike gets my number from my friend and has been texting me for awhile now. I've said multiple times that there's no way I'm going out with him, but I have seen him since then with our friends. I think he's counting on wearing me down, but I can't go there (in spite of what you may have read about me here). Anyway, he texts me continually even though I've told him I don't like to text and I probably won't respond. He continues to text with questions that require a response and I just end up looking rude when I don't respond. He also keeps asking if I want to get together, just for coffee or something. If we were friends that would be fine, but that's not his intention. Here is how the texting went this morning...
Mike: "Good morning cutie" (Yeah. He's in diapers and calling me cutie.)
Steph: "Hey."
Mike: "Want to get coffee this morning?"
Steph: "No, I can't. I'm already at work and I'm swamped."
Mike: "I get the feeling you're not interested. Am I wrong?"
Steph: "MIKE! I'm sorry, I can't have a conversation by texting. It drives me crazy and it's so one-dimensional. Call me later if you want to have a real conversation."
Of course, that whole last text WAS a conversation - the kind that drive me insane!! I'm sure I won't be hearing from Young Mike anymore, so at least I won't have to explain again why I can't date a man in his 20's.
Am I over-reacting? Does this drive anyone else crazy? Am I just really old?
**By the way.....Tune into American Idol tonight to see none other than the legendary BARRY MANILOW sing live from Las Vegas!!!! :)
Whoo-Hoo!!
When my friends text me a funny story or my daughters text me to say they'll be home at 5 PM, okay. But don't text me and say, "Whatcha doing?" No. I'm not answering. You've already dialed my number, just hit SEND!!! Call me and have a conversation, damn it!
So what is prompting this tirade on texting? There's this young man named Mike. I met Mike through a mutual friend and we've all had drinks together several times. Mike's a very nice guy who unfortunately took quite a liking to me in spite of the fact that I'm 10 years older than him. 10 YEARS! It's not gonna happen! But Mike gets my number from my friend and has been texting me for awhile now. I've said multiple times that there's no way I'm going out with him, but I have seen him since then with our friends. I think he's counting on wearing me down, but I can't go there (in spite of what you may have read about me here). Anyway, he texts me continually even though I've told him I don't like to text and I probably won't respond. He continues to text with questions that require a response and I just end up looking rude when I don't respond. He also keeps asking if I want to get together, just for coffee or something. If we were friends that would be fine, but that's not his intention. Here is how the texting went this morning...
Mike: "Good morning cutie" (Yeah. He's in diapers and calling me cutie.)
Steph: "Hey."
Mike: "Want to get coffee this morning?"
Steph: "No, I can't. I'm already at work and I'm swamped."
Mike: "I get the feeling you're not interested. Am I wrong?"
Steph: "MIKE! I'm sorry, I can't have a conversation by texting. It drives me crazy and it's so one-dimensional. Call me later if you want to have a real conversation."
Of course, that whole last text WAS a conversation - the kind that drive me insane!! I'm sure I won't be hearing from Young Mike anymore, so at least I won't have to explain again why I can't date a man in his 20's.
Am I over-reacting? Does this drive anyone else crazy? Am I just really old?
**By the way.....Tune into American Idol tonight to see none other than the legendary BARRY MANILOW sing live from Las Vegas!!!! :)
Whoo-Hoo!!
Monday, March 13, 2006
Monday Memories...3.13.06
When my littlest girl was 3 1/2, she swam with water wings. She's such a stud now that it's hard to imagine how she ever needed assistance, but she was pretty cute in her little Shamu wings. She would even go into the deep end at 3 years old.
If you know her, you know what a thrill seeker she is. I'm in total awe of her, seriously. She is now 11 years old, and a total stud. She can do everything she wants. Everything. And she does it with confidence.
Back to the water wings...One day we were swimming in a community pool. A friend of mine named Robert and I were in the shallow end just sort of cooling off while the girls were swimming around. Julianne (my little one) was in about three feet of water (well above her head), and asked if she could take off the water wings. I said okay, as long as she stayed up against the wall - you know how little kids who can't touch grip the wall as though their lives depend on it? Well, there she was - gripping the wall with no water wings. She had taken them off and thrown them on the concrete on the side of the pool. So as Robert and I stood watching her, all of a sudden she pushed off the wall, aiming for the stairs twenty feet a way. Robert and I lunged at her, I swear it was in slow motion, as we yelled, "Nini!!!!!!!" (Her nickname), the whole time thinking were going to pull a drowning child out of the pool. This little girl who couldn't swim without water wings a day before, all of a sudden broke out in the Little Mermaid like swimming stroke, with her arms by her side, her face under water, and her feet kicking furiously, until she made it to the stairs. When Robert and I realized that she knew what she was doing, we backed off and let her swim. She stood up on the stairs, turned and looked over her shoulder at us with the strongest look of self-satisfaction, mixed with a little bit of awe and a lot of surprise. So cute!! By then the whole crowd around the pool noticed what happened and were cheering her on!
We spent the next hour practicing her new found swimming skills with her - with the pool crowd continuing to cheer her on. We stood 10-15 feet away from the wall while she pushed off of us and mastered her skills. After about an hour, she got tired of swimming and decided to get out. She hiked herself up on the wall and out of the pool, passing the water wings on the concrete next to her. She turned and looked over shoulder, and then my little three-year-old proudly yelled, "FWO DOS WATTA WINGS AWAY!!!!"
If you know her, you know what a thrill seeker she is. I'm in total awe of her, seriously. She is now 11 years old, and a total stud. She can do everything she wants. Everything. And she does it with confidence.
Back to the water wings...One day we were swimming in a community pool. A friend of mine named Robert and I were in the shallow end just sort of cooling off while the girls were swimming around. Julianne (my little one) was in about three feet of water (well above her head), and asked if she could take off the water wings. I said okay, as long as she stayed up against the wall - you know how little kids who can't touch grip the wall as though their lives depend on it? Well, there she was - gripping the wall with no water wings. She had taken them off and thrown them on the concrete on the side of the pool. So as Robert and I stood watching her, all of a sudden she pushed off the wall, aiming for the stairs twenty feet a way. Robert and I lunged at her, I swear it was in slow motion, as we yelled, "Nini!!!!!!!" (Her nickname), the whole time thinking were going to pull a drowning child out of the pool. This little girl who couldn't swim without water wings a day before, all of a sudden broke out in the Little Mermaid like swimming stroke, with her arms by her side, her face under water, and her feet kicking furiously, until she made it to the stairs. When Robert and I realized that she knew what she was doing, we backed off and let her swim. She stood up on the stairs, turned and looked over her shoulder at us with the strongest look of self-satisfaction, mixed with a little bit of awe and a lot of surprise. So cute!! By then the whole crowd around the pool noticed what happened and were cheering her on!
We spent the next hour practicing her new found swimming skills with her - with the pool crowd continuing to cheer her on. We stood 10-15 feet away from the wall while she pushed off of us and mastered her skills. After about an hour, she got tired of swimming and decided to get out. She hiked herself up on the wall and out of the pool, passing the water wings on the concrete next to her. She turned and looked over shoulder, and then my little three-year-old proudly yelled, "FWO DOS WATTA WINGS AWAY!!!!"
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Life Lesson #529
Never give a drunk girl cocktail umbrellas.
(Just a brief synopsis of my recent trip to the Bahamas)
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Hi. My Name is Steph...and I am a Coupon Whore.
There's got to be a 12 step program for me somewhere. When I go to the grocery store, I pride myself on the fact that I can get at least $30 taken off my bill by clipping coupons. I never buy anything I don't need, but I have figured out that the coupons that come out in the current Sunday paper are the same things that Ralph's discounts for that week, so using the coupon that week is key. I know what you're thinking, but don't be jealous. I know you wish you were as clever as me and had my exciting life. You can!
It's not just grocery store coupons, but every kind of store. Let me give you an example...today I checked the mail. I had easily a week's worth of mail in there. Being a new homeowner, I've been bombarded with discounts on shutters, landscaping, lighting, closets, etc. I look at every one, tossing the ones I know I'll never use. Today was the best! Not only did I have a cool IKEA coupon for $20 off a purchase of $100 or more, but I got this other coupon for my local pharmacy. All I have to is transfer a prescription to get a $20 gift card! I'm on it! This was the best of all...a place called BevMo, Beverages and More, whose slogan is "You can't go wrong!" No kidding! It's a coupon for $10 off a purchase of $30 or more. Whoo-hoo! And on the coupon is a picture of SKYY Vodka, the most important ingredient in my killer apple martinis. On the back of the flyer was a picture of a bottle of expensive champage and a couple of glasses and it said, "You're surrounded by boxes - you deserve a drink!" My thoughts exactly!! :)
I got another catalog with home furnishings where I ordered a new set of pots and pans and a toaster to match my new kitchen decor. I had two separate discounts, so I ordered them separately to get both. So I saved $20 instead of 10. I'm telling you - I'm cheap!
So in the morning, I'm off to BevMo to check out what they've got! I can't wait!
It's not just grocery store coupons, but every kind of store. Let me give you an example...today I checked the mail. I had easily a week's worth of mail in there. Being a new homeowner, I've been bombarded with discounts on shutters, landscaping, lighting, closets, etc. I look at every one, tossing the ones I know I'll never use. Today was the best! Not only did I have a cool IKEA coupon for $20 off a purchase of $100 or more, but I got this other coupon for my local pharmacy. All I have to is transfer a prescription to get a $20 gift card! I'm on it! This was the best of all...a place called BevMo, Beverages and More, whose slogan is "You can't go wrong!" No kidding! It's a coupon for $10 off a purchase of $30 or more. Whoo-hoo! And on the coupon is a picture of SKYY Vodka, the most important ingredient in my killer apple martinis. On the back of the flyer was a picture of a bottle of expensive champage and a couple of glasses and it said, "You're surrounded by boxes - you deserve a drink!" My thoughts exactly!! :)
I got another catalog with home furnishings where I ordered a new set of pots and pans and a toaster to match my new kitchen decor. I had two separate discounts, so I ordered them separately to get both. So I saved $20 instead of 10. I'm telling you - I'm cheap!
So in the morning, I'm off to BevMo to check out what they've got! I can't wait!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
