I Wish I Could Blame the Alcohol...

Jenn and Charlie's blogs have inspired me to tell this not-so-drunk story. I wish I could blame it on alcohol, but I'm weird enough to do this sober. Awhile back I was at a restaurant with my friend Jennifer (not the Jenn of Swank or Skank fame, although I did spend an awesome birthday with her and a crazy Elvis impersonator - see Jenn's February Archives), and our dates. We were sitting on a patio out in front and went to the bathroom in the back of the restaurant. To get to the bathroom, we had to walk through the patio, the indoor restaurant and the bar. While we were in there, we started laughing about people who walk out with toilet paper stuck to their shoe and how the nice thing to do is tell someone if that's going on. So as we're basically laughing at the misfortune of others, we decide to see if anyone would be that kind to one of us. We hatched a plan for me to take a long peice of toilet paper, stick it in the waist band of my skirt and see if anyone would tell me. I was wearing black from head to toe and the toilet paper was white, so it was perfect. I crumpled it up and got it all wrinkled so it looked used, and tucked into my waistband. I'm not very tall, so the toilet paper came all the way down below the back of my knees. It took us at least ten minutes to get our straight faces on before we could walk out. Jen said she had to go first because if she was behind me she would start laughing. A couple of the girls in the bathroom wanted our phone numbers, because they thought we were so funny, they now wanted to be our friends. Off I went...I started through the bar with the toilet paper swinging behind me. I kept a totally straight face, even made serious eye contact with several guys as though I were the hottest girl in the place, knowing that they all saw the toilet paper and thought the joke was on me. I then had to cross through the inside portion of the restaurant before reaching the patio and by now a well-meaning waitress had spotted me. She ran after me but didn't catch me before I reached the outside patio, and eventually my seat. Jen was already there and laughing hysterically. I made it to the table and, after holding it in the whole way back from the bathroom, slumped into my chair and put my head down in my hands. I was laughing so hard that all that was coming out were hysterical sobs, which confused the poor waitress as to the severity of the situation. She had been trying to save me from massive amounts of embarrassment and she thought she was too late. She thought I was crying and looked frantically at my date, and when he was smiling, realized something fishy was going on. She cried, "She knew, right?! She was kidding right?!" Poor girl.