...but I really resent that I have to spend too much money on a Hallmark card, some sort of present, and a lame flower arrangement for a mom I don't even get along with. This is the problem with Hallmark Holidays. Because of all the crap they advertise on TV and in every store you walk into, my mom expects a certain caliber of gift on Mother's Day. It's not like I'm harboring any secret resentment towards her, or holding any grudges for a crappy childhood. We just don't get along. We never have. I pretty much maintain a relationship with her because my kids love her and I don't want my feelings to affect their relationship. My brother and sister were smart enough to move far far away (thanks guys), so the pressure is on me. The problem is that I have the least money of all of us, and my mom's litmus test for a good day is "How much money was spent on making sure that my day was special?" Same thing on her birthday every year.
I'm a mom now - have been for 14 years, actually. Yet all of my energy on this day goes into making sure that she somehow feels valued, to avoid the inevitable meltdown if she doesn't.
Part of me feels really crappy about this. If you were to ask my mom about our relationship, you would get a very different story. And if I ever need help, she's there for me. I just knew, from a very young age, that moms and daughters should have a very different relationship than what we had. We're just two people that are so different yet somehow thrown together for life.
Am I being crappy?
Thursday, May 05, 2005
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5 comments:
I'd have your siblings send you money to take her out/buy her something from all of you.....make it financially easier on you.
It's not crappy what you feel...feelings are feelings. You do, however, only have one Mom and someday you'll miss her regardless of the quality of the relationship....so try and make the best of it! Hang in there!
Thanks, Danika!
My mom's just like yours - no worries there.
No, you're not crappy! You just happen to be one of the few truly honest people...you don't hate your mom, she's just not what you'd hoped for. Nothing wrong with being honest about it.
Just smile and be the mom you wish she was to YOUR kids!!
Thanks for that!
And that certainly is my goal.
I truly understand and can relate to what you said. I have the same exact situation with my father. It's tiring isn't it?
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